Sandy's Saga
by calla lilly rose
Summary: Sandy and Soda loved each other, until everything fell apart. Sorry folks, content too explicit for T rating.
1. Chapter 1 Hot Dogs and Hamburgers

SE Hinton owns The Outsiders. All rights belong to her.

**Sandy's Saga**

Chapter 1

**Hot Dogs and Hamburgers**

XXX

"Hey Sandy...oh, honey, you ain't looking so hot. You feel okay?"

"Hey Jane," I said, feeling the dampness on my forehead. I took a deep breath and steadied myself. "Yeah, I'm fine. I wouldn't recommend eating the hotdogs in the cafeteria today though."

"The hotdogs? Darlin, I wouldn't eat anything those so called cooks wanted to serve. Why are you eating in there anyway? I thought that man of yours was taking care of you."

I smiled. "Usually he does, but he's cutting again and wasn't around."

"I don't know what you see in him, Sandy. I mean, yeah, he's eye candy for sure... but … other than looks, what is he?"

"Oh give him a break. He's sweet to me."

"Of course he's sweet to you," Miranda added, overhearing and added in of her own volition. "You're giving him what he wants, of _course _he's gonna be sweet to you. Say 'no' once or twice, see if his attitude doesn't change."

For that, I hated Miranda. Sort of. For one thing, she had no idea how far Soda and I had gone, all she had was speculation – which was wrong. Second, most people judged Sodapop as being dumb, which he wasn't. He was skipping school again to help his struggling family, and while I didn't approve of cutting class just to cut, I certainly understood given his situation. Miranda, I thought, was jealous. Soda treated me great and she couldn't stand it. She'd been burned one time too many, trusted no one anymore as a result, and would cut anyone to the chase in a heartbeat. But about Sodapop, she was wrong.

"Miranda, you don't know nothing about Sodapop, so stay out of it."

She grabbed her books, slammed her locker shut and left.

"So, you okay?" Jane asked again. I nodded, grabbing my own books and headed to class as well. I only had a few minutes before the bell rang, and didn't need another tardy on my record.

*

"Hey sweets, how's your day?" Sodapop asked, kissing me on the cheek. The DX looked steady, a car at the pump and one or two in the service bay. Steve poked his head out from behind one of them and waved, I lifted my head and nodded back. The throngs of admirers hadn't shown up yet, but I was sure they eventually would.

"Tiring. I hate calculus. Mr. Deets is straight from the devil." I adjusted the heavy bag on my shoulder, knowing that if high school didn't kill me outright, it would definitely kill my posture.

"Never had the pleasure of Calculus, but I did have Deets for general math. He was a bear then too."

"You'd think he'd soften with age," I murmured, pulling my bag higher again.

"Here, why don't you go on in, sit down a moment and get something to drink. I got these cars to finish, then I'll have a few minutes where you can tell me all about it." He gestured to the office where I went willingly, looking forward to the stolen Coke I was knew I would take, and maybe a Hershey bar too while I was at it.

A bit later, as I was sucking the chocolate off my fingers, the back door opened and Steve came in.

"Hey Sandy. Say, you and Evie still planning to have a girls night out this weekend, or are we guys allowed to crash the party?"

"I think Evie's got it all planned out, and no – I don't think it would be wise to crash. You don't want to be on her bad side again."

"Boy, don't I know it."

I stifled a grin, remembering a few months ago when me and Evie, Jane and Lisa had planned to go out together, just the four of us without our steadies; when Steve and Soda and their accomplices crashed. We'd just finished slapping some crazy cucumber concoction Jane had read about on our faces, designed to make our skin "model perfect", when in burst the boys, laughing it up at how we'd looked. Evie – who had the most of the cucumber paste on her face and her hair up in a towel, was so angry, I could swear I saw steam coming from her ears. For a month solid, she wouldn't speak to him; and it was only after the third bouquet of flowers that she finally broke the silent treatment.

"Hey baby," Soda murmured as he came in, the adoration in his eyes and the smile in his lips making up for the constant smell of gasoline and grease that hovered around him. He grabbed a drink for himself and gave me a kiss as he settled in next to me in the office chairs set aside for waiting customers.

"You'd better be careful, Soda. Boss man does count those, ya know."

"Yeah, I know," he grumbled getting back up, depositing two dimes in the tin cup to pay for our drinks. I'd tell him about the chocolate later. "So, you and me this weekend?"

"Sorry, it's another girls night out sort of thing." He rolled his eyes, the disappointment obvious. In truth, I'd rather spend it with him any day over hanging around a bunch of girls, even if those girls were my best friends. They tended to get a bit giggly though, when it was just the four of us.

"Looks like it's gonna be you and me again this weekend, Sodapop." Steve went on, reaching for some box on a shelf on the other side of the room. "Maybe we can drag ol'e Dally and Darry out to the pits, see some racing or something."

Soda blinked. "Yeah, maybe." I doubted Steve had noticed the way Soda's fingers were trailing around my knee. If Steve hadn't been there, I wondered how far his fingers would have gone. His eyes, like mine, were dancing.

The bell outside rang, and sounds of feminine voices rushed inside. The throngs had arrived, and as Soda adjusted his cap, I grabbed my bag to go.

"Later?" Soda asked, leaning in close. I could never deny those eyes.

"Anytime." I answered.

*

"Sandra, phone."

"Thanks, dad." I grabbed the upstairs receiver, wondering who was calling. "Hello?"

Downstairs, I heard the click of the receiver as Dad hung up, and Soda spoke. "Hey sweets. I miss you."

Automatically, I slouched. He always made me abandon my guard. "Hey yourself. How was work?"

"Oh, you know; fill-ups, tune-ups, and a whole bunch of clean-ups. How was the rest of your day?"

"Nothing too crazy; just the first World War, something about gravity, and to top it off, volleyball."

"Oh yeah, that could be bad. Wanna go out?"

"Now? Are you serious?" I hissed, thinking my parents would kill me if I even asked them.

"Sure now."

"I can't!"

"Why not?"

"Because.... we haven't eaten yet."

"No problem. I haven't either. Burgers on me, my treat."

"Soda! It's late, you know my folks would never approve."

"I'll ask them myself. Promise to have you home in plenty of time too."

I hesitated. "Why haven't you eaten yet? Doesn't your family usually eat by now?"

"Yeah, but it was Pony's turn to cook, and he forgot to defrost the meat. We ended up having cereal. I'm sorta, well, still hungry."

I couldn't help but giggle, trying to picture Soda's older brother being satisfied with a bowl of Cocoa Krispies after a long day of hard work. "Darry can't be pleased."

"No, he ain't all that pleased at all. He'll live though. So anyway... how bout it? Burgers?"

I nodded, forgetting he couldn't see me. "Sure, you wanna ask my dad... go right ahead."

A short while later, the doorbell rang and I heard someone answer it. Acting like I didn't know what was going on, I made my way down the stairs, the butterflies alive in my stomach hoping Dad would let me go.

"Evening sir. I was wondering if I could take Sandy out for a bite to eat."

"It's rather late, Sodapop. Sandy has school tomorrow, I don't want her out late. Better you postpone..."

"Ted, let them go."

I felt a little better, at least Mom was on my side.

Dad gripped the door tighter, not liking Mom's interference, but he relented. "As long as you will have her home by nine, and not a minute later."

Soda grinned, nodding. "Of course, sir. Is there anything I can bring back for you or your wife?"

"No thank you, son. You two have fun." Mom came out of the kitchen and practically shut the door on us. I took the hint and grabbed Soda's hand, leading him away. Once in his truck, he looked over at me.

"What was that all about?"

"Mom is a bit more forgiving when it comes to me being out. Dad … not so much."

He rested his hand on my knee, his thumb making small circles on the inside of my leg. Once we'd left my street, he pulled over.

"What are you doing?" I asked. He looked at me, his eyes teasing.

"Well, I did bring you out for hamburgers, but I also wanted to kiss you too," he said softly, leaning closer.

"Kiss me? You haven't asked permission for that yet." I teased back. Considering how far we'd gotten, kissing was tame.

"Permission? Fine...." he mumbled, nibbling my neck. "Can I kiss you?"

"I don't know," I answered, remembering what my English teacher had said. _"Can I"_ questions the ability to do something, whereas _"May I_" asks permission. "Can you?"

"You're killing me over here, Sandy," he growled, nipping my collarbone.

"Then ask it right, Sodapop." I said, leaning into his body.

"May I," his mouth moved over my neck, "kiss you," his lips grazed my chin. Damn he was good.

"Yeah, you may," I barely answered, his mouth on mine a beat later. His mouth tasted sweet, and for a moment I forgot where I was. The gear shift against my leg made me remember. Panting, I gave a little push and he backed off.

"I missed you," he breathed heavily, moving back to his side of the cab. "You sure you have to do that girl's weekend thing?" His hand was on my leg again, a little higher this time but still well out of range of anything …. problematic.

"I might be able to get out of it, but my parents already expect me to go with them." My heart was finally calming down, but the feel of his hand on my leg was enthralling to say the least. I had to put my hand on his, just to get him to stop with that thumb thing. If he didn't stop that, I'd soon be begging for more.

He grinned and put the truck in gear, heading back out. "I hope so. I've got something special planned, if you can manage to escape the ladies."

*

Calla Lily Rose


	2. Chapter 2 The Lake

**Sandy's Saga**

Chapter 2

**The Lake**

XXX

"Here you are, m'lady," Soda said, twirling me onto the porch. I giggled, his smile contagious. "Safe and sound and on your own front porch. To top it off, it's not even nine yet."

"I'm sure my parents will be quite pleased."

Done twirling, he stepped closer, his eyes bearing down on me as his hands softly ran up and down my arms. Goosebumps had come up on my skin.

"You cold?"

"No, not really." I reached over and fingered the top button on his shirt, it had a loose string holding it on and I was certain it would fall off the next time he washed it. He took my hand and kissed my fingers, making me tingle inside. "Will I see you at school tomorrow?"

He squeezed my hand slightly, then let it drop as he stepped back, leaning against the banister. "No. Boss said he could use me again tomorrow, maybe the rest of the week since Jasper's out for a while. He needs me, and, well, I could use the work."

"You need to be in school, Sodapop." He turned his head, shuffling his feet some. This was the only thing we really argued about, and while I was in no mood to ruin our good evening, I wasn't backing down. Eventually he'd get the message.

"Sandy, don't start. I'll go back next week. Ain't like they're going to move the building, now are they?"

"You're going to get too far behind."

"Yeah, well, I'll hire a tutor." He tried to be funny and I turned to walk inside. Suddenly, his arms snaked around me, pulling me close and I leaned back into him. "Don't be angry... please? I got to do this … there are reasons..."

"What reasons, Sodapop? I don't get it. Explain it to me, make me understand," I hissed.

He turned me around to face me, brushing the hair out of my eyes. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before speaking.

"You can't go telling your girls about this, but we... Darry needs some help. The bills are stacking up, and he's getting farther and farther behind. It's either I do this, or we all get split up. The State ain't just gonna let us hang out in a house where the powers been cut off and there's no food."

I felt like an ass. Of course he wasn't skipping just to skip. Maybe he did hate school, but when it came to his family, he always did what he could. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him tight, his arms doing the same to me.

"Of course... I'm sorry, Sodapop. Maybe I can swing by your classes and get your assignments... help you with the work later. So you don't fall too far behind?"

He looked at me, a smile there, but the eyes distant. I couldn't read his thoughts.

"Sure. But I make no promises about the work."

The front door opened and Sandy's father was standing there.

"Good to see you got her home on time, Sodapop. Sandy, time to get on up to bed. Night, son."

"Evening, sir. Sandy."

Soda nodded after me as I headed upstairs. Funny how dad never lets him into the house, but mom never thinks twice about it. Of course, he'd been in the house, but never up to my room. Once I'd gotten to my room, I shut the door then opened the window.

"Soda!" I hissed. He was already halfway back to his truck, heard and turned. "Love you!"

"Back at ya, sweets. Night!"

I closed the window and watched him drive off, wondering what his eyes were hiding from me.

*

"Sandra... you are going to be late! Your friends are already here waiting on you!"

"Yes, Mom.... I'm hurrying!" I hollered back through the door, shoving one barrette in my hair after another. A quick glance in the mirror and I frowned, it's a certifiable mess! Oh well. I grabbed my jacket, shoved my feet in my shoes and lugged my bag over my shoulder, headed downstairs to see Jane waiting for me.

"Took you long enough. You ready, sleeping beauty?" she huffed, her keys already in hand.

I tossed her a weak smile as an apology and grabbed an apple off the table on the way out. Once in the car, I gave Jane a wary glance. She caught it.

"Okay, whassup?"

I felt uncomfortable, knowing I was about to ask her to lie for me.

"Jane, about this weekend. I... well I sort of, can't make it."

She grinned. "You and the Coke boy?"

I gave her an evil look. "You know his name ain't Coke. But yes, Soda sort of asked me out … and I really, well I_ really_ want to go. I know you have this girls-night thing going on, but...."

She laughed. "Sandy, I don't care if you bow out. Go! Have fun! Where's he taking you?"

"Well, that's just it. I have no idea. And, I don't want my folks knowing I'm with him. If they think I'm with you, it'd be the perfect cover."

"Oooooh! This is getting even better. So whacha want me to do?"

"Pick me up like you originally planned and take me to your place, then if my folks call.... well, lie to them. Tell them I'm in the bathroom or something. I don't care."

She drove in silence, then grinned. "Fine, but I want details."

I blushed, wondering what sort of details I would have to surrender. "I'll share what I can."

She gave me a look as she pulled into the parking lot. "Girl, I hope you know what you're getting yourself into."

I hoped so too.

*

Behind us, Jane watched as we pulled away, Soda holding my hand, his thumb rolling over my knuckle.

"So, where we going?" I finally asked, looking at him.

He smiled. "I told you, it's a surprise. But don't worry, I think you'll like it."

I nestled in his side, his arm wrapped around me as I watched the scenery pass by. Finally, he pulled into Bryler Park, an abandoned park that used to have a lot of life. There was a play area for little kids, a track now overgrown with weeds and a picnic area that dipped and wove its way around a lake. There wasn't anyone here but us, most people preferring the parks closer to town than the remote drive all the way out here. I looked at him, but he seemed sure of himself. He got out and opened my door for me, then reached into the back of the truck for a box. I followed.

"What are you doing?" I asked curiously.

He spread a large blanket on the ground under one of the massive oaks close to the water and pulled me down by him. Then he reached into the box and pulled out some covered dishes.

"A picnic. What, you've never been on a picnic before?"

"Of course I have. I just wasn't expecting this."

"What, that I'd plan this - or that I'd pulled it off?"

I shoved his shoulder, "Oh shut up."

He let go of the dishes and wrapped me in his arms, laying me less than softly on the blanket. I lay there, catching my breath then looked up at him, smiling. He was looking back at me, unblinking. His hands brushed the bangs away from my forehead but the soft breeze fluttered them back.

"You are beautiful, Sandy."

I felt myself blush. One of his arms was next to me, and I ran my finger up it, feeling the strong muscles that chiseled his skin. "Thanks. You're sort of good looking yourself."

He lay next to me, careful of the containers and my clothes. "I'm really glad you could break away from the girls." He murmured as he bent closer.

"Sodapop?"

"Okay, fine. _May I_ kiss you?" he was teasing, but I loved it.

"Yes, you may."

And his lips were on mine, gently at first, then gradually building momentum. His tongue tasted my lips and I let him in. At the same time, I was acutely aware of his hand on my breast, feeling me through my blouse. I didn't mind, this wasn't the first time he'd toyed with my chest and his touch was magic.

"Sandy," he murmured, planting kisses on my neck.

"Yeah?"

"Touch me, take off my shirt for me."

My hands shook. At this point in our relationship, we'd done a lot of feeling each other up, but always with clothes between us. Granted, it was just his chest, but ..."

"Please, Sandy, touch me."

The buttons were easier to manage after the first one or two parted way. He wasn't wearing an undershirt, his chest bare before me. As he kissed me, I felt the smooth contours of his chest, the hard muscles of his abdomen. As my fingers curled around his back, the divot along his spine gave my fingers something to grasp, and before I knew it I was pulling him against me.

In the same instant that I realized how wonderful his skin felt, I realized it was because his skin was against mine. My blouse was unbuttoned, only my bra separated our chests.

"Soda.... stop....." I breathed. He backed off, breathing hard.

"What?"

I looked at him, unable to say the million things in my head. My conscience warred with my wants, and the fact that his fingers were lightly running circles around my still sheathed areola was making me lose the war. My fingers grazed the features on his chest; his pecks firm, his skin warm.

"I won't do anything you don't want me to. If you're not ready... I understand." He said, pulling away. I, however, caught him before he moved far. He gave me another look - waiting for me to protest, then when I didn't, he lay back down.

He pulled the material down, exposing my breast, kissing it. My body was in cahoots with my brain, refusing to behave ladylike. My back arched involuntarily and he quickly took advantage of it, releasing the hook at my back. A moment later, my chest was as bare as his. At first, he pulled back, eying me, then softly he touched me; my taunt nipples, the sensitive undersides of my breasts. His touch made me moan, softly.

As I arched to his touch, his tongue lapped at my chest. To keep from moaning again, I sought his flesh with my own tongue, kissing his neck, licking it, tasting the salt on his skin. Before I knew it, I was sucking, wanting more but knowing that even though I had surrendered this much, there was still more I wouldn't give up. Not today.

My fingers dug into his skin, and I felt his hand on my leg. I knew there was only one way for that hand to go, and it was already creeping north. I relaxed, putting my hand over his, stopping his exploration.

"Enough. Enough," I panted. He stopped, kissed me again, and moved away.

He walked to the lake, slipping his shirt back on which gave me ample time to get dressed again. A few moments later, I joined him, sliding my hand in his.

"I'm not ready for that.... for more, not yet." I said apologetically.

He squeezed my hand back. "It's okay. I shouldn't have pushed the limits. But I wasn't lying earlier."

I looked at him, unsure what he was talking about.

"You_ are_ beautiful. All of you." He fixed my collar, and leaned in to kiss me again.

When he pulled away, I noticed the mark on his neck. "Oh crap. How are you gonna explain that?"

"What?"

"The hickey. Sorry. I sort of lost control, I guess."

He felt his neck and shrugged. "Feel free to lose control on me anytime. And I ain't gonna explain it to no one." He smiled, but I knew better. There was only one way to get a hickey, so I wondered if he'd admit to the truth or say we'd gone all the way. Considering Miranda's assumption, I was already feeling like a tramp. "Hungry? I didn't drag all that food out here just for the fish to eat."

*

Calla Lily Rose


	3. Chapter 3 Pecan Grove

**Sandy's Saga**

Chapter 3

**Pecan Grove**

XXX

"So, you went on a picnic? That's it? Just some dumb ol picnic?"

"No, it wasn't _dumb._ It was sweet. He'd brought fried chicken, and there was potato salad and grapes. It was nice. Really!"

Jane looked at me suspiciously, but didn't ask anything more. And honestly, aside from the before-meal frolic, there really hadn't been anything drastic to talk about. We'd tried the rusted swings, he'd spun me around on the merry-go-round until I was nearly sick; then to finish the day, we'd walked hand in hand around the lake. It was the nicest date I'd ever been on.

However, I had made up my mind that no one but_ no one_ was going to know about my experiences with Sodapop. Now, I don't know what _he'd _said, but considering the cheesy looks his closest friends and his little brother cast me in the hallway at school, I was pretty sure it was something more than a mosquito had gotten ahold of him. There was nothing I could do about that though.

"Sandy, I swear, you gave up a really good pedicure to go eat some chicken. Hope it was worth it." She closed her locker and headed off. I grabbed my books and went to class as well, never once feeling the ground beneath me.

*

A week later, I was headed with Evie to Soda's. The guys had wanted to double, and I was ready to go considering quarterly exams had been kicking my butt all week. I was ready for a break.

"Damn. Sounds like someone's getting his ass handed to him."

I looked up. Sure enough, Darry's deep baritone could be heard roaring through the door. Unexpectedly, Ponyboy was perched on the porch banister, smoking and looking at the sky with a disappointed expression. It shocked me, usually it was the kid getting it handed to him. Who was the recipient this time?

"I wouldn't go in there if I were you," he cautioned, suddenly coming back to the planet's surface. I went over to him.

"What's going on?"

He looked at the glowing end of his cigarette, then flicked the dying ashes into the overgrown bush beneath him. "I figured he'd've told you. Shoot, I thought he'd have told me! Anyway, Soda.... Soda dropped out today. Quit school." The sick, empty look on his face that accompanied his words stabbed at me like a knife. He'd told me he'd try. Promised me!

"He _can't _quit!" I demanded.

"Well, there goes the evening. Kid, is Steve here?" Evie asked.

"No."

"Sandy, I ain't hanging for this. I'm gonna go find Steve, see if I can still have some fun. You want me to walk you home?"

"No, go on. I gotta talk to Sodapop."

"Yeah, good luck with that. Night all." Evie said, turning and heading out.

I didn't turn, just looked at Ponyboy who stared off into the night sky again, ignoring me.

"Did he say _why_?" I implored.

"Sandy, I really don't want to talk about it."

Inside the house, the shouting was getting worse.

"_I'm not passing, Darry! It's pointless to make me go! I ain't smart like you and Pony, but I have skills that we can use!"_

"_**I** am taking care of this family, Sodapop. Your only job is school. What do you think awaits you without a diploma? Huh? You gonna be a grease monkey in this run down poverty class area of Tulsa your whole life? Is that what Mom and Dad wanted for you?"_

"_Do NOT bring them into this. After Pony finishes school, then I might look into something. But right now, you ain't making enough and you know it! What, you gonna kill yourself working every moment of every day to keep the bills paid? It's practically what you're doing now, and it ain't working!"_

Pony flicked his butt over the rail, hopped down and passed by me. "I'm going for a walk. I'd advise you not to bother going in there. He's gonna need a few days to cool off." He slipped out the gate and headed away. In the increasing darkness, I stood there and listened to the argument. Silently, I wondered which one of his brothers he was talking about. Later, with a thick heavy silence enveloping the house and darkness blinding everything, I quietly stole away, headed back home.

*

I'd avoided the DX for a week after that. Ponyboy had passed me in the halls, mentioning once that things were cooled off enough if I wanted to go back, but something inside me kept me away. Until he showed up at my house one Saturday afternoon.

"Hey," he softly mumbled.

"Hey yourself."

He toyed with the doormat before clearing his throat. "Pony told me you'd heard Darry and me arguing. Said he'd told you why, too."

"He said you'd dropped out." I hoped he'd tell me he'd changed his mind, that he wasn't gonna quit afterall. But he didn't.

"Yep. Darry needs the help – whether he admits it or not, and my boss took me full time. The money is good, and we could use it."

I swallowed. "So, things are gonna be better for you and your brothers then?"

He brushed my arms again, stepping closer. "Yeah. But things don't have to change between us, do they?"

I looked away, a cardinal perching on a nearby tree catching my attention.

"Sandy? Do they?"

I shook my head. "No, but school is important. Not just to your family, but to mine as well."

He held me in his arms, my own wrapping around him back. He smelled good, and I buried my nose in his shirt, pressing him to me.

"I know. And it_ is_ important, I'm not arguing that. But it isn't for me. That doesn't mean I'm useless, boss even gave me a raise already. He wouldn't be giving me a raise if I wasn't no good."

"I never said you were useless, Sodapop."

We stood there in silence for a bit, his arms loosely around mine as I laid my head against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart.

"Think you can go out for a while?"

I nodded. It was Saturday, I had no restrictions except to be home by ten. "Let me get my jacket and purse."

A few minutes later, I was snuggled against him in the cab of his truck, headed down the road. Where we went, I didn't care; just so long as I was at his side. He wound the truck up streets and down roads, finally pulling it over by a pecan grove. The trees were full of nuts, harvest time wasn't far away.

"So what are you going to do?" I pressed.

He looked dejected. "Please, Sandy. I've had that question shoved at me by Darry all week. I just want one day when I don't have to hear it. Please?"

I understood. "Fine." Looking out, the grove was thick, the air crisp but not cold, and the daylight waning. "Lets go for a walk."

Hand in hand we went, stumbling some over fallen limbs scattered around the ancient grove. I reached for him once when I was about to fall, and he grabbed me firmly, then held me close after that. The further we walked, the more I could pick his scent out from the rest of the trees and wildflowers around us. My arm wrapped around him, his around me.

Eventually, once out into a clearing, he stopped and looked at me.

"I've missed you. I'm sorry if I hurt you - by dropping out. It's what I had to do."

"It's your life, but I hope things will be better for you now. Money wise."

"It will."

He stood there, looking at me until I realized the distance between he and I was disappearing. He kissed me, and I opened my mouth to taste his lips. There wasn't anyone else there, and slowly, he and I both lay down, the grass cool beneath us.

His hands had my blouse and bra gone in short order, his shirt was gone as well. His hands roamed all over me, his tongue lapping at my breasts again. My own hands roamed his body, over his chest, across his abdomen. My thumb felt within his navel and then ventured further south, just along the waistband of his jeans. I'd done this before, but not exactly like this. This... was different. God, I wanted.....

"Don't stop." he whispered, reading my mind. He lifted himself up some to give my hands room to unfasten the button on his jeans.

"I don't know what I'm doing, Soda. You know that," I reminded him in a whisper. My hands shook and not from the cold.

"You," he kissed my left breast, "are doing," he kissed my right one next, "fine."

My hands found the cotton of his briefs, and reaching further felt along the curve of his ass. His muscles there were just as tight. My fingers felt along the slit between his cheeks, and I heard his sharp inhalation as I did so.

In time, I realized my skirt was being pulled up, his fingers playing along my inner thigh. He didn't ask, but my body was on autopilot. I bent one leg away and he felt more. I realized my panties were being gently pulled down and lifted my hips for him to ease them off the rest of the way. His fingers explored me, delicately probing but never forcing.

_Is this really happening?_ I kept asking myself, over and over. Yes, it was. And I didn't care. I wanted it to. I wanted his hands on me. I wanted to feel his body. I wanted it to be with Sodapop.

My hands probed back toward his front, frustrated by the material that got in the way.

"Here, hold on." He slid his jeans off, then his briefs with them. For the first time, he knelt before me, naked. He reached and pulled my skirt away as well. I wasn't a child, I had seen a guys penis before, but admittedly, not erect. For once, I couldn't look at his eyes. He grinned a little, understanding. He reached for my hand and brushed my fingers against it, then let go of me, letting me feel him on my own.

It was, strange... fascinating. Smooth, strong. I ran my fingers along its length, scared I'd hurt him.

"Take it. Go on, feel it. You won't hurt me." His fingers trailed up and down my thigh, going higher each time. I really didn't notice.

I wrapped my fingers around him loosely, slowly going up and down his shaft twice. He reached for his jeans and pulled out his wallet, then got out a small package.

"Are you really...?" I started, scared suddenly when I realized what it was.

He looked at me, "Not if you don't want me to." He lay beside me, my fingers trailing along his stomach. My head wouldn't leave it alone; lower and lower my fingers went until he reached for the condom again. This time, I didn't say anything.

He kissed my breast again, suckling the nipples until they were both hard. I kissed his lips, his chin, sucked his neck. I hadn't realized that during all this, my legs had bent – allowing him access, giving him permission. He moved over me, settling down gently, his weight light as a feather.

I felt a pressure and looked. "It'll only hurt a second, if that." He kissed me deeply, and suddenly I felt him fill me, my nails digging into his back as I reacted. My toes curled, then relaxed as his movements created an ache... a delightful itch deep within me that demanded being scratched. I felt him moving inside me, the two of us joined together as one. I moved with him, he with me. For a moment that was the only movement the planet held, just the two of us moving as one entity.

"Sandy...." he stuttered. I opened my eyes. His were shut, tightly shut. I thought he was hurt. "Sandy.....!"

Another sensation filled me, and Soda's movements became jerky. My itch still ached to be scratched, but the pressure that was providing my release was fading. Soda collapsed on me, his sweat shining in the bright moonlight.

"Sodapop, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

He laughed, gently enough but it made me uncomfortable. What did I do wrong?

"Baby, I'm fine. I'm sorry though. I tried to hold off, but you're just so good. So tight, so perfect. I love you. Thank you for that."

He kissed me again and rolled over, calming his breathing. I looked up, between the branches of the pecan tree we were under, I could see the stars start to twinkle in the sky. I couldn't help but feel... less than I thought I should feel. Still, maybe I had been expecting too much. I reached for my clothes and dressed.

He held my hand again on the way back to the truck, but my mind was once again running a marathon.

"You okay?" he asked gently.

"Yeah."

He was silent a few seconds more. "I've been told it sort of hurts for a while... for a girl... her first time. But that goes away. It'll be better next time."

"Uh huh." In truth, I wasn't hurt. At least not _that_ type of hurt.

"Tell me what you're thinking. Please? I don't like your silence."

"How many girls have you been with?"

He stopped walking. "What?"

"I said, how many..."

"I heard you. Why? Do you think this..... that I made love to you as a conquest? I love you, Sandy! You're not just a notch in my belt."

"I know, I just wanted to know." I did know he loved me, but how many had come before me?

He looked around. Then put his hands out. "Sandy, you don't know what it's like. Living where we do... here, a guy is expected to have experience. Not that I make it my business to lead the pack, but yeah, I've been with others before. But it's been a long time, and none since I started going out with you."

It still didn't tell me what I wanted to know. I looked at him, crossing my arms, waiting.

"Really? You _really_ want to know?"

I nodded. He sighed, shaking his head. "Fine. Two. Both last year. And only once with each. Happy now?"

I was, actually. "Thank you, for telling me." I wrapped my arms around him, holding him tightly.

He pulled my chin toward him, smiling some. "Lord, Sandy, sometimes I wonder what makes you tick. But, you're welcome. Now, don't go blowing my cover, the guys think I've left a dozen girls with broken hearts all over Oklahoma."

"As long as you don't tell them what happened here."

"It's my secret. One I'll cherish," he promised as he leaned down to kiss me again.

I was counting on that.

XXX

Calla Lily Rose


	4. Chapter 4 Running

**Sandy's Saga**

Chapter 4

**Running**

XXX

Weeks had passed since that evening in the pecan grove. We'd tried to go out again, but between his work schedule, my school schedule, and social services showing up a time or two at his house (once expected, the second time on the spur), we'd been successfully kept apart.

As far as I could tell, he'd kept his promise and told no one of our making love. Steve gave me the same bored glances he always did both at school and at the DX, while Ponyboy would pass me in the hallways with his typical "hey" without breaking stride.

And I had told no one either. My friends were good friends, but they would spill it somehow; and that was the last thing I needed to have circulating around the school. It was bad enough Miranda thought I'd been sleeping with him since first meeting him, but no one believed her anyway.

I lay in bed again, having the hardest time sleeping. My thoughts as I lay here were of him; his body, his hands on me, feeling him _in _me..... It was almost as if I could still feel him there, aching for some sort of completion. It was frustrating to think something that was supposed to have happened, some fireworks going off in the sky above had somehow fizzled and I'd missed out. A girl only gets one first time, and mine had been with the man I loved, yeah; but... somehow it missed the mark of what I'd expected. So, instead of sleeping pleasant dreams, I lay here wondering what I'd done wrong, what I'd missed.

*

"Sandra....!" I woke with a start, my mother's high pitch jarring me out of my troubled sleep.

"I'm on my way, Mom!" I yelled down before she got all riled up; getting dressed and ready in a whirlwind of motion. I grabbed my things and ran out the door, not bothering with fruit this morning. Jane hadn't bothered to come in, idling her car in my drive as I hopped in.

"What's got your panties in a wad?" Jane asked, smacking gum as she drove.

I leaned on my arm against the car door. "Why? Does it show that badly?" I snapped.

"Yikes! Back off, or I'll call the fuzz! I'm only your best friend; out with it, what's bugging you?"

I pulled my hair up into a ponytail, tired of messing with it and not really giving a damn about it today. "Nothing. Just not sleeping well I guess."

She turned to look at me. "Sandra, what is_ wrong_ with you? Your cycle come early or something?"

I gave her a _shut the heck up_ look, rolled my eyes and refocused on something else on the road.

"Oh hell, you and Soda had a fight. Right? That it?"

"No, we didn't." I said, nervously shifting my weight in the seat. Her questions were hitting a little too close to home.

"Uh huh. I can tell something's going on and he's involved somehow. For months it's been Soda this and Soda that, now you won't even mention his name unless I drag it out of you. What gives?"

"He quit school," I said, tossing out the lesser of the two evils, hoping this wasn't old news to her. "And you know how important I feel school is. It's just... disappointing, is all."

"His loss, not yours." She said, disconcertingly. I looked at her, shocked at her callousness. "Oh really, Sandy? You_ really_ expected something different? Honey, I hate to be the voice of reason, but he's a grease! Very few of them finish school, and even you have to admit, Sodapop Curtis wasn't making the grade even when he was here."

"Jane, pull over. Let me out." My fury was tempered only by two things; first, she's my best friend, and second, I also knew she was telling the truth. Still, Soda is my boyfriend and I haven't given up on him.

She pulled over, not that it made much difference - we were already on school property.

"I'm telling you this as your friend, Sandy. He's eye candy, but not …."

I didn't let her finish, not wanting to hear it. I wiped my eyes and headed toward my building. My eyes blurred as I went inside, tears obscuring my vision.

"Hey, you okay?" Some guy asked as I instantly ran headlong into him.

"Sorry, sorry... my fault. Wasn't looking...." I looked closer, the blood draining from my face. Of all the people to run into, it had to be _this _group. "Hey Two-Bit, Steve. Morning, Ponyboy. Excuse me, class...." I tried to blend into the crowd, but the guys caught up and sort of surrounded me. I wiped my eyes hurriedly, but the looks on their faces told me they'd seen.

"Who's bothering you, Sandy?" Steve looked around, ready to fight.

"No one. _Really. _I think a gnat got in my lashes, stupid bugs. I do have to go, guys. I don't need the guidance counselor calling my folks about another tardy." I managed to break free of their circle but not their voices.

"You want lunch later? Meet us in the parking lot – our treat!"

I didn't turn around, dodging obstacles here and there until I managed to find the girls room at the far end of the hall near my class.

"Mr. Deets," I mumbled as he stood outside his doorway. "I've got a bug in my eye... won't be but a moment late, sir."

"That's fine, Sandra," he answered back, believing me. With my red eyes, he really had no reason to doubt me.

*

"Hey, you okay?"

I looked up. I was avoiding the crowds by hanging out in the library but should have expected Ponyboy to be in here somewhere. Soda's always going on about his bookworm brother.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I sat up in the chair, shoving my books over as he obviously looked like he wanted to sit. He did, immediately kinking one knee to rest his foot on the edge of his chair and looked at me.

"So what gives?"

I looked at him blankly. "Sorry?"

He looked around, pulled his switch from his back pocket and began peeling an apple with it. "I mean, what's wrong. Why the waterworks? Who pissed you off this morning?"

He sliced off a thin piece and popped it in his mouth, waiting for an answer. "No one. I told you, I had a fly...."

"This morning it was a gnat," he pointed out.

"Gnat, fly... it was a bug. I got it out and that was that. Aren't you supposed to be in class?"

He grinned. "You don't lie very well. As for class, it's lunch time." he wiggled the apple in the air for emphasis, then sliced off another piece.

"It's no wonder you're a perpetual stick." I mumbled.

He grinned bigger, his eyes shining like his brothers. "Now that's the Sandy I know." He sliced off more and gestured it to me, but I shook my head. He shrugged and popped it in his mouth.

"You don't know me," I reminded him. He stopped chewing a moment, then nodded some, shrugging too.

"Yeah, you're right. Sort of. But Soda loves you. Come over later, he'll be glad to see you."

He started to get up but I grabbed his arm. He froze - looked at me and I let go fast. He waited. "What do you mean, 'Soda loves me'?"

He gave a lopsided grin. "Heck Sandy, I ain't blind. Anything else?"

I shook my head. He found the trash can a few rows over, aimed his apple core and lobbed it over, making a perfect toss. He flipped his blade back and shoved it in his back pocket.

"Later. Oh, and if anyone gives you static, just find one of us. We'll deal with him."

I watched as he sauntered out the room, passing a group of Soc's who tossed names at him that he promptly ignored. It struck me as laughable, little Ponyboy Curtis 'dealing' with anyone. He was so out of his league; smart as hell... sure, but by being put up a grade, he was physically no match for anyone here in high school. Still, he didn't back down and would defend his buddies, and that was endearing. I gathered my books and headed out as well.

*

So, I skipped lunch and avoided Jane the rest of the day; and opted to walk home instead of asking Evie for a ride. The only other alternative was to hop the bus, and I really wasn't _that_ desperate. So, with my bag on my shoulder, I set my sights on home and started out.

"Hey, there, pretty lady... you need a ride?"

God, now what? The car that was idling my walking pace was shiny and red, with an unfamiliar muffler and way too close for comfort. I moved over, getting a little distance between the car and myself. I also sped up, hoping they'd take the hint. No dice.

I heard laughter, catcalls in my direction. I felt my grip on my bag slip as my hands got slick. Home was still twenty minutes away on foot, and the DX was three blocks over. I had on flats, but they weren't made for running.

"No, I don't need a ride." I shouted loud enough for them to hear. They answered with a rev of the engine as they easily matched my speed. I was nearly at an intersection and knew they would have to stop. That would either be _good,_ since I planned to haul ass and run as soon as I got there; or_ bad_ if one or more got out and gave chase.

"We don't mind, do we fellas?" More laughter. Sick bastards. I didn't wait, grabbing my bag in a fist, I sprinted ahead and across the street, hearing horns blaring and brakes screeching around me. A door slammed and footfalls weren't far behind. One of my shoes came off, my bare feet pounding the road as I crossed onto the sidewalk on the other side of the intersection.

Out of nowhere, a blue beaten-up car appeared in front of me, sharply cutting across the opposite lane behind me, blocking the red car in the process. I didn't stop, blindly running as fast as I could until strong arms caught me.

"NOOOO!" I screamed, thrashing about.

"Sandy, stop! It's me, Steve. Hold on! You hurt?"

I quit fighting and looked up. Steve was gripping my wrists but let go - a bit too fast. My knees buckled but he caught me again.

"Whoa, there Sandy. They touch you?? Did they?"

Behind me, I heard the sounds of a fight going on. I looked; Two-Bit, Johnny and Ponyboy whaling on some guys I didn't recognize. I quickly shook my head. "No, they didn't. They didn't touch me, just … just scared me. I'm okay."

The sounds of squealing tires was heard again as the red car tore out and left. Heading my way were the guys, looking angry yet happy at the same time.

"She okay?" Two-Bit called as they got closer.

"She's fine," he answered back, looking me over. "But I think I'd better give her a ride home."

"No, I want to go to the DX." I implored, dreading walking in my house looking like this. I looked around, not seeing my shoe and my foot bleeding a little from some rocks I'd run on. My foot was sore and I limped as I turned. "Please, I'll call for a ride later."

Steve nodded, helping me to the passenger seat. The guys got my things and hopped in the back, exchanging loaded glances and looking at me worriedly as they got in. The DX was just a block and a half over but I could already feel the tears welling up on the way. I brushed them away silently, not wanting the guys to think me some softie. Thankfully, the station was quiet because as soon as I saw Soda, I dived into his arms – my foot be damned.

"What happened?" he asked me, but I couldn't answer. I felt him turn to the guys.

"She got followed. They scared her, but that's bout it. Never laid a hand on her from what I could tell." Steve explained from behind me. He went on in, his DX jumper in his hands.

"She sure can run though," Two-Bit added with a touch of humor in his tone. I got a grip on myself and let go, but Soda wasn't as willing to release me yet.

"Maybe she can train with you in track, huh Ponyboy?" Johnny teased.

"Not in a skirt, she can't." Ponyboy said in a muted tone. If I wasn't so shaky, I'd have laughed. As it was, all I could do was grin weakly, trying to appreciate their humor. Steve stopped Ponyboy at the door, motioned something, then Pony loped off down the street. The rest turned and went inside. Soda and I were effectively left alone. He led me to one of the nearby benches and sat down.

"What happened? From start to finish, tell me everything. Did they touch you?"

The wrath in his tone was both comforting and slightly comical. I was definitely getting over my scare.

"No, like Steve said, they only scared the bejesus out of me. And my shoe. I lost my shoe. My father is going to have a fit for me losing it! What am I supposed to tell him about that?"

"You could try the truth, that somebody scared you and you ran."

I looked at him as if he had lost his mind. "Sodapop, I go telling him that, do you really believe he'll ever let me back over here without a guard?"

He smiled. "I'll be your guard."

"No offense, but I doubt that's an acceptable solution."

He kissed me on my forehead. "Don't worry. From now on, if you need a ride, you find one of us."

I pulled away. "No dice. I have friends too, don't forget."

"So why weren't you riding with them?"

I sighed, rubbing my foot. "Because... I just didn't want to."

He looked closer. "That doesn't make sense. C'mon, what it is it? Tell me. I can't fix it if I don't know what's wrong."

I grumbled. "I got into an argument with Jane this morning...."

"Over what?"

I looked at him, my face turning sour. "Over you."

This idea seemed to delight him. "And who won?"

"It was a tie. But anyway, I just didn't feel like riding with her – or anyone else. I wanted to walk."

He sighed. A car pulled in but Steve went out to take care of it. I knew Soda had to get back to work soon.

"Well, now you know the reason why you need a ride. Don't let your safety get in the way of common sense." He pulled me up, kissing me on the lips as I rose to full height. "And don't fight over me. I'm yours. All of me. No matter who says what, I'm yours. Always."

I smiled, blushing a bit. From behind the DX, Two-Bit came pulling up to us in that same blue beaten-up car. "Your chariot awaits!" He called with a smile. Soda walked me to the passenger seat and opened the door for me.

"Here, found it," Ponyboy, winded, came skidding to a halt next to us. In his hand was my loafer, he'd gone back and found it for me. He winked and headed back inside with his friends.

"Take her straight home, Two-Bit. No funny stuff."

"Roger that, boss. Ready to go, me lady?"

I had to grin. "Sure, Two-Bit. Home. Bye Sodapop," I called out the window.

"Bye sweets."

He went back to work and I settled in for the trip home.

*

Calla Lily Rose


	5. Chapter 5 The Dance

**Sandy's Saga**

Chapter 5

**The Dance**

XXX

"Sandra, come down here, I need to speak to you!"

I groaned, while French was my least liked subject... something told me the tone in Dad's voice was going to be worse.

"Hey Dad, how was work?" I called out innocently as I descended the stairs. Even Mom came out of the kitchen, dishtowel in hand to see what was up.

"Ted, what happened?"

"Never mind about work. The fan belt broke on my car this morning, so I pulled into the service station to get it fixed. Did you know that boyfriend you've been seeing is working there instead of going to school?"

Aw damn, cat's outa the bag.

"Yes. He's helping his family." I tried the innocent eye's ploy, but he wasn't buying it.

"Sandra, the boy is there _full time_! You never told us he quit school! What is he, sixteen?" Dad barked.

"Oh Sandra, why didn't you tell us about this?" Mom asked.

"Dad, you already knew he's sixteen, and like I said, he's helping his family. You know they lost their parents... I told you that months ago. Money's been..."

"Sandy, I don't want to hear excuses. You know how your mother and I feel about school! It's important."

"Yes, I know it's important, but_ I_ haven't quit. What does Sodapop's dropping out have to do with me?"

"Sandra, it's a bad influence." Mom whispered as if not wanting to be overheard.

"Soda's the one who quit, not me. If anything, he encourages me to do better! And I have. And you know his brothers; both real smart. His older one got that scholarship...."

"Darrel isn't going to college...." Dad interrupted testily.

"Because he had to take custody of his family, that's why," I reminded him. "And, their youngest brother is really smart too... in high school already! That's why Sodapop quit, to help take care of his family. They all know how important school is.... really they do! But sometimes you have to sacrifice..."

"I don't like it, Sandra. Perhaps they have good intentions...."

"Ted..." Mom said, a look in her face silencing Dad for a moment. "Sandy, let your father and I talk about this. You go do your homework."

I looked at both of them, then headed back upstairs. Once at my doorway, I crouched down to eavesdrop.

"I don't like it, Helen. That boy's not suitable...."

"Oh Ted, stop it. He's just a boy. And no, before you start on me, I don't like the fact that he dropped out either, but Sandy does have a point. While Sodapop may not be …_ academically_ suitable, he _is _good to her and she dotes on him. It's just a high school crush. Besides," there was a pause, and when Mom spoke again, it was with a playful tone to her voice. ".... he _did_ get your car fixed, now didn't he?"

"It was a fan belt, Helen. I could have done it myself...."

"That's not the point and you know it. How much did he charge you?"

Another moment of silence. Then, reluctantly, he spoke again. "Only a dollar for the belt. Okay, fine. So he's a good mechanic. But that's still not good enough for Sandy."

"Oh shush, Ted," Mom teased. "He's just boy. And while I don't like that he quit, at least he isn't just hanging out loitering on the street corners or vandalizing water towers or highway overpasses. He's working, learning a skill. Better than many other young boys around here. Now you go read your paper while I finish dinner."

I sat up, relieved. For a while there, I thought Dad would refuse to let me go out with Sodapop again. Considering we had another date coming up, I wasn't ready to let him go; not yet.

**

"Hey sweets."

I looked up from my book.

"You re-enrolled?" I asked hopefully. Soda, Steve, Ponyboy and Johnny were loping up towards the building. There were still a few minutes before the bell. Steve grinned while Ponyboy jabbed his brother's side.

"See ya, Soda," Ponyboy called out, flicking his cigarette butt away before he and Johnny headed off toward the buildings.

"Later, Pone. Bye Johnny."

Steve climbed on top of the picnic table I was sitting at and helped himself to one of the candies I'd brought and left out by mistake. I ignored him and curled myself in Soda's arms.

"Nah. Just came to see you. I gotta head off to the station in a few minutes."

"That's sweet of you to come by, but you know principal Lane will have a hissy if he see's you hanging around."

"Oooh, Soda's real scared. Ain't ya, buddy?"

"Can it, Steve. I ain't worried about Old Man Lane, neither." He looked at me, brushed my hair from my eyes and leaned in to kiss me. It was a little unusual, Soda being so forward in front of others, but I didn't care. I kissed him back.

"Now, that's a good way to start the day," he said to me when we looked at each other again. "I've missed you."

"Dufus, I just saw you yesterday after school. And by the way, my Dad's really ticked off. I hadn't told him you'd quit, so he was shocked to see you at the station."

"Oops. I thought he was miffed about something. But I did fix his car. Is it still working alright?"

I shrugged. "Guess so."

He smiled. The first bell rang, startling me out of his arms. Steve hopped down.

"Later, Sodapop. Don't burn the station down in my absence."

They bopped fists and I started to gather my things.

"Sandy," Soda called.

I looked up.

"There's a dance tonight, will you go with me?"

"Where and what time?"

"At the lodge, around seven."

I smiled. "I dunno, Dad's still furious with you... about dropping out. He might not like it."

"It's a group thing. Steve and Evie will be there too."

I thought about it, finagling a way around my father's issues.

"Well, I might be able to, as long as it's a group thing. I think I can get away."

He grinned, running his fingers through my hair to rub the nape of my neck. "I look forward to it. Love ya."

I felt his arm muscles under his shirt. "I love you too."

"You'd better go. Old Man Lane can't touch me, but he'll still be on your case if you're late."

I grabbed my things and headed in, watching from the top step as Sodapop made his way back to the street, heading off toward the DX alone.

**

"Mom, there's a dance tonight, over at the Lodge. Is it okay if I go?"

"Have you asked your father?"

Groan. "No, he's not home yet. Please Mom?"

She looked at me with steadfast eyes. "Is Sodapop going to be there?"

"I don't know. He might, it is a group dance after all. Evie said she was going. I'm pretty sure some of the other girls will be there too. Please?"

Mom sighed. I knew I had her. "Fine. But be home no later than eleven. And Sandra, I expect you to behave yourself accordingly."

"Thanks! You're the best!"

Later when Evie pulled up, I grabbed my sweater and purse and hopped in her car.

"Problems?" she asked.

"Nope. Just had to work it."

She grinned like a Cheshire cat. "Girl, you keep hanging with Sodapop, you'll have all the tricks down pat real fast. Both those Curtis boys know how to work it."

"Both? Evie, there's three of them."

She snorted. "Okay, maybe in a few years the runt will count too. Anyway, you escaped your parent's clutches, that's what's important."

She lit a cigarette and offered me one, which I turned down. "I swear, Sandy, sometimes I can't tell if your a goody-goody or like us."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm here, ain't I? Hand me that...." I took the smoke from her, took a puff and felt my eyes water and my throat burn._ God almighty! And people like to smoke?_ I choked back a cough, handing her back the stick.

By now, she was laughing. "Okay, fine. You're one of us! Just don't die on me!"

I rolled down the window, needing fresh air before puking, then searched for something else to talk about.

"How long you been seeing Steve?" I finally thought aloud.

"Hell, how long has it been? Maybe a year or so. Dunno, lost track."

"You love him?"

She burst out laughing. "Hells bells, what's love got to do with anything?"

"So you don't?"

She rolled her eyes. "Sandy, you have a lot to learn. Steve is like candy, I love being with him. He's fun, risky, exciting. An adrenaline rush that never ends. And," she laughed, "... he's hot in bed. What's not to love?"

I thought about it.

"Why, Soda not doing it for you?" She suddenly asked as she pulled up at the Lodge.

I felt myself blush, grateful for the darkness. "Oh hell yeah, he's full of adventure! A thrill a minute. I was just...." I never got to finish. My door opened up and someone pulled me into their arms.

"Hey sweets."

A warm kiss followed and I grinned, forgetting any excuse for my question in the car. Obviously Evie forgot our conversation, as she was already headed inside with Steve's arms around her.

"Here, you won't need this," he murmured as he helped me take off my sweater. "It's hot inside already." I left my purse in her car as well, covered by my sweater and held his hand as we went inside.

The lights were dimmed but the tunes were thumping as we headed onto the floor. "How was school?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Okay. Same boring stuff every day." I answered as he led me around the floor. Soda always surprises me with his dancing. He didn't hold back.

"And your test?"

"What test?" I asked.

"The one you were studying for this morning?"

Oh yeah. "An 84."

He grinned. "Not bad. I've got me a smart lady."

For the next hour we twisted and twirled, dancing all over the floor. Eventually, I was out of breath and we went to sit out for a bit.

"You okay?" he asked softly.

I nodded, taking the cup of punch he'd brought me. "Is this spiked?" I asked before tasting it.

He grinned, taking it back. He sipped it then returned it. "Nope. Plain boring punch. Obviously Two-Bit hasn't shown up yet. Once he gets here, I wouldn't drink anything!"

I laughed. He grinned, scooted closer and leaned in again. His lips still tasted of the punch, his tongue too. I shivered.

"What's wrong?" he murmured, nipping my earlobe.

"Nothing. It's just..."

"Yeah?"

I grinned, not sure how to explain it. "It's just, the way you touch me...."

He pulled back, looking into my eyes. "You want me to stop?"

My head shook slightly, "but this isn't exactly the right place...."

"C'mon."

I pulled back. "But what about...."

"Don't worry. We ain't going far."

He held my hand and led me out to one of the back hallways of the lodge, leaving the crowd behind. The music was low, sultry; the bass pulsing through the walls.

His lips on mine were hungry, charged with passion. His body wasn't crushing, but as I stood there leaning against the brick, I felt him pressing against me. My hands wandered, feeling the muscles all over his backside.

"I've missed you," he whispered.

"Me too." I mumbled, tasting his collarbone as the top button on his shirt mysteriously gave way.

"You wanna get out of here for a while?"

My itch was back. And judging from the way Soda was pressing against me, I could tell he was wanting to scratch it again. And damn it, I wanted him to.

"And go where?"

He grinned. "My place."

I looked shocked. "Are you insane?"

He grinned. "Ain't no one there. Darry's working, Pony's running around town with Johnny and Dal again. I'll have you back before curfew. And don't worry bout Evie missing you."

"But I came here with her, she'll know....."

"Maybe, but she won't care. Steve and her just left."

Damn, I couldn't think. To help me decide, Soda's lips grazed my chin, his hands feeling my nipples right through my blouse. I nodded. He guided me out the back door and around the building and toward Steve's car.

"My purse!" I started, seeing it laying under my sweater on the passenger seat of the car. "But I left it in Evie's.... "

Soda started the engine. "Don't worry bout it," he said with a grin. A few minutes later, we were at his place, the lights all off. He led me inside.

"Anyone home?" he called out. Silence answered. He reached behind me and closed the door, shutting the blinds then led me back to his room.

It wasn't the first time I'd been in his house, but this was the first time I'd been in his room. It was bigger than I thought it would be, the bed a queen. Books were piled up on the floor and all over a desk in the corner.

"These all yours?"

"No," he answered as he pulled me closer, working the buttons on my blouse. "They're Pony's."

"Why does he keep them in your room?"

"Really, you wanna talk about Ponyboy right now?" he asked as he nibbled my jawline. "Or do you wanna spend time with me?"

My blouse had fallen away and I felt him probe the hook on my bra, finally releasing it and letting it fall to the floor. His hands rubbed my breasts while I pulled at his shirt, feeling his hot skin on my hands.

"You."

He'd unzipped my skirt, falling like a hoop onto the floor. I worked his pants, never able to undo that stupid button when he took care of it himself. Before I knew it, we were naked and he was on top of me, pressing his lips to mine.

"Hold on..." he muttered, rolling over and pulling out something from his wallet. I watched him roll the condom on, then turn back to me. Before I could turn my mind on and think matters through, he was inside me again, scratching that itch that only he could create.

"Don't stop..." I whispered.

"I won't...." he answered.

God, that itch was insane. Sparks flew into my vision, an explosion of some sort building... one I wanted so badly.

"Don't..... stop......." I urged again, moving my body with his. Then his pace changed, his whole body tensed.

"San... dy! Aahh!"

He plunged into me, hitting my itch again, then - like the first time - faded away. He collapsed onto me, breathing hard for a moment then the gasps settled into easy pants. He stroked my shoulder, rolling over to my side. As he kissed my arm, I couldn't help feel the wetness on my face as a tear escaped. A tear I never let him see.

"That, was wonderful," he sighed, contented.

I looked over at him, his eyes closed. "Soda, what time are your brother's expected back?"

"Hmmm?"

"Sodapop? What time are they...."

"Darry, around ten. Pony, probably near midnight. We're good for a while longer."

He stroked one of my breasts again, and I twined our fingers together. For a few minutes more we lay there like this. Then, I got up and silently started to get dressed.

"What's wrong, Sweets?"

"Nothing, I just don't want to be here in case any of your family or friends show up."

He got up, grabbed a towel and cleaned himself off, then pulled on his own clothes. As I was looking at the assorted collection of books, he came over and wrapped me in his arms. His scent hit me, making me smile again.

"You sure you're okay? You're awful quiet. You ain't still hurting there, are you?"

"No," I answered, looking him in the eyes. "I don't." In honesty, I didn't know what to say. Was this what I was supposed to feel like? Let down? Incomplete?

He kissed my lips softly. "C'mon, lets go get something to eat, then get back to the dance."

I smiled, trying to be happy. If only_ inside_, I felt as complete as he looked.

* * *

Calla Lily Rose


	6. Chapter 6 Scott

**Sandy's Saga**

Chapter 6

**Scott**

XXX

Another week had gone by, marked by more boring classes, some gross lunches, and Jane's never ending inquisition as to my sudden moodiness.

"You sure you ain't bothered by something? You sure ain't acting like yourself," Jane mentioned as she drove me home from school late one day.

I couldn't meet her glance. "I told you already, I'm fine."

But I wasn't fine. I'd heard all sorts of stuff for the last year about what sex was supposed to be like. It wasn't hard to miss the gossip, if you knew where to go to hear it. Girl's restrooms in the high school, the locker room in the gym, hidden spots behind the bleachers during games or dances. Shoot, even the library would teach you more than a book could if you knew where to go and listen. All that I'd heard told me that I was missing something, something _big_. And each time I was with Sodapop, I felt like I was getting there, just … never _there_. And that was frustrating as hell.

"Sandy," she said as she pulled the car over by my house. "You know whatever it is, you can tell me."

I said nothing, tired of the questioning.

"You sure you're alright?"

I faked a smile as I opened the door. "Yeah, Jane. I'm great. Tons of homework though, so I'd better get going. Thanks for the ride."

"No problem. Hey, call me later!"

I nodded as I shut the door, heading across the yard to go in.

"Sandra? Good, I'm glad you're home. Listen," Mom said, not pausing in her greeting. "Your father is having a meeting here tonight, some of his associates from work will be by. It's short notice, so I hired the boy from last summer to come over and do the yard. I need you to clean the living room and the bathrooms. The guests will be here around six so there isn't much time."

A bell went off in the kitchen, the way Mom jumped I'd have thought she'd been shot.

"Oh that's the timer. I have to get that roast ready. I'm really counting on you, Sandra."

And before I could utter a word in protest, she turned and headed back to the kitchen.

I was steamed. Now, on top of all my homework I had to do, I had to do maid service. Great. I went upstairs, dropped my books on my desk and changed clothes, pulling on my everyday bumming-around-the-house garb to clean in.

I'd finished the bathroom when I heard a knock on the door.

"Sandra, get that for me!" Mom yelled from the kitchen.

"Hey. I'm Scott... I got a call from Mrs....."

I recognized him. The summer "boy" who had to be at least nineteen years old. His voice a little deeper than I remembered and he stood a good three inches taller. I rolled my eyes, any guy younger than my mother was automatically a "boy" even if he towered over her. She had no idea how embarrassing it was to be her daughter at times.

"I remember you. Mom's busy. You're here for yardwork?"

"Yeah. She said the usual... trim the hedges, mow the grass. I – uh," he scratched his head, looking at the yard skeptically.

I let him off the hook. "I know. She wants a miracle. Don't sweat it. Do the hedges, maybe trim the fence line. If there's time, maybe the walkway. She ain't going to notice the rest of the yard won't be mowed, and neither will the so-called guests my Dad is bringing over. And she'll still pay you the same."

He looked relieved. "You sure she won't mind?"

"Trust me, she won't even notice."

He smiled and started to turn back to his truck where several lawn-fixing things were piled in the back. I went back to doing my work, dusting the zillion knick-knacks that lined the shelves in the living room. I hated doing them but was careful not to break them either. They were Mom's only hobby, collecting the small glass figurines. They were all special to her and each meant something important from her past. To break one would break her too, and I'd never do anything to hurt her like that.

Just as the sun was going down, Mom came out of the kitchen to inspect the work. "Oh honey, you've done a great job in here!"

"Thanks Mom," I smiled, feeling the fatigue created from the constant dusting, vacuuming and other assorted cleaning that I had done. I wiped my forehead, hoping I could be excused to go upstairs. I still had homework to do.

The doorbell rang again. Mom got it, opening the door to a sweat-streaked Scott, leaves and grass all over the legs of his pants.

"I was hoping you could inspect my work, see if there was anything else you'd like done, Ma'am."

"Oh Scott! Wonderful!" Mom stepped outside, the dusky light hiding the fact that the grass wasn't mowed. Scott looked hopeful but I knew he'd be fine. "Great job! I knew I could count on you. Thank you so much. Let me get my purse..." As Mom rounded the corner to the bedroom to get her purse, I went back down the stairs.

"See, told you she'd never notice."

He smiled, shrugging his shoulders. "She'll notice it tomorrow and be upset."

"Then come back tomorrow and finish."

"Can't. I've got classes at the college. I'm only doing this cause she offered me double, and I still have a book to get for one of my classes."

"Well, Scott, I really don't think she is going to care. But if it hangs over your conscious, come back this weekend and get it done."

He looked at me. "Are you going to be here?"

That question sounded a bit unusual, I guess I waited too long to answer because he quickly amended.... "Because I'd feel better about doing yardwork if the owner was home."

"Yeah, I'll be here."

He smiled. I noticed a dimple on his cheek then, one I hadn't noticed before. "Then I'll come back this weekend. Saturday, around nine."

I don't know why I felt like I had just made a date, but the feeling stuck. _He was just coming over to do yardwork.. nothing else_. I heard his truck start and fade as he drove on down the street, and shaking my head I went back upstairs to finally get to my homework.

*

"Hey Sandy," Sodapop cooed as I headed into the DX. He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a soft kiss. Over on a barrel, his younger brother Ponyboy was sitting, spinning a yo-yo, ignoring us. I swatted Soda's arm and he let me go with a hug. "How's my girl?"

"Fine. Missing my man, though. I wish you hadn't quit school, Sodapop. Lunch has become quite a bore with you not there. Now all there is to do is eat, and that food isn't fit for human consumption. You're trying to kill me, aren't you?"

He gave me a skeptical look. "Please, I get enough torment at home over that. I don't need more now. And you know you can go hang with the guys for lunch, ain't that right, Pone?"

"Anytime," Ponyboy answered, concentrating on that toy and not looking up.

"No," I said, shaking my head. "It wouldn't be right."

He kissed my forehead. "The guys won't bother you. You know that, right?"

I nodded. "But it wouldn't be the same."

A car pulled up and he went out to take care of it. Seconds later I heard a bunch of high pitched voices and looked over, a car load of girls my age were looking out the rolled-down windows, all ogling him. Instantly, I felt a pang of jealousy hit me.

"Don't worry bout them," Ponyboy mumbled, glancing over at me before winding the string on his yo-yo again. "Those same chicks come by every day he works. They don't mean nothing to him."

"And how would you know?" I asked a bit hotly. What would a little kid like Ponyboy know about how I felt, or how Sodapop felt for me?

"Cause," he answered. "I just do."

Wow. Insightful. Ingenious. The kid was destined for scholarly greatness with those kinds of answers.

"Whatever," I mumbled. The car drove away and Sodapop came back.

"Sweets, I have some work I have to do. You want a Coke or something?"

He was sending me off, I knew this already. He wasn't, however, making his brother leave. "Sure, that would be great." I followed him into the office, leaving the kid in the bay with his toy. "Sodapop.. you still going to the races this weekend?"

He smiled. "Yeah. Plan to. Steve's taking Evie, I thought you and I could double. That okay?"

My heart sank. "Sure, that'd be great."

His eyes lit up. "I knew you'd say yes. The races start at eight, we'll come by to get you around six. Maybe get burgers on the strip first, hang out a little."

Oh joy. Greasy hamburgers and cold fries. And a double date to top it off. I gathered my books and headed home, wishing I didn't have to double. Doubling was awkward, either Steve and Evie were groping each other in the backseat the whole time Soda drove, or she'd be all over Steve when he drove. They couldn't keep their hands off each other, even in public. Still, a bit of me wished to know what she found so fascinating.

I made it home and went to do my homework, hardly noticing the doorbell ringing.

"Mom?" I yelled. No answer, so - sighing in anger, I went downstairs to see where Mom had gone and who was at the door.

"Scott!" I said with surprise.

He was dressed in khaki pants and pullover shirt, and cleaned up like a new penny.

"Afternoon, Sandy. Is your Mom or Dad here?"

I looked behind me, expecting Mom to be there. "Mom?" No answer. I blushed a bit, embarrassed by my action. "No, I guess not. Whats up?"

He scratched at the back of his neck. "Well, I just can't get the undone work out of my mind. I managed to finish with my classes early and was hoping I could do it now, if that was okay. I mean, your parents paid me to do the work...."

"Sure, if you want to mow the grass and get your clothes all dirty, be my guest."

Now it was Scott who turned red. "I have my jumper to change into, if I could use your bathroom."

Well - don't I feel like a moron. I opened the door more. "Sure, come in. Bathroom's down the hall."

He went where I showed him, a bag on his shoulder. A few minutes later he came back out, changed into yard-work clothes.

"Does this mean you aren't coming by this weekend?"

He looked at me, a pausing look that melted my knees. "No, I mean yes.. I'll still be coming over this weekend, if that's okay with you, Sandy."

I nodded. "Sure. I'd like that, Scott."

**

Saturday was busy. I was up at seven, hair done and clothes agonized over. _This is not a date,_ I kept telling myself. _You are with Sodapop. He loves you._ Still, I couldn't help that tingle when I thought of seeing Scott later.

Promptly at nine, he pulled up in his truck, the yard equipment gone. "Ready?" he asked as I met him at the door.

"Ready." I answered with a smile on my face. It felt nice to be going out, even if this wasn't a date. He held the door open for me then climbed in behind the wheel. "So where are we headed?"

He smiled. "I thought I'd surprise you, if that's okay."

"Lead on," I teased, waving my hand as if royalty. "So you're in college?" I asked a few miles later.

He nodded. "Yeah. My first year. I'm studying biology, thinking of maybe going to medical school, but that's a dream far away. Probably won't make it, but even if I don't, there are a ton of jobs in medicine besides being a doctor."

"Then why go for being a doctor if the other jobs will be just as good?"

He looked at me a second. "My folks. They want me to be a doctor. Thought I'd at least give it a fair shot before saying I couldn't."

It was a good answer. An honest answer. I liked that.

"And you? Still in high school?"

The way he asked... it wasn't a snear. He sounded genuinely interested. "Yes. A sophomore. But the year's almost over, so I'll be a junior soon."

"Don't wish it by too fast, you'll miss it soon enough."

He took me to the zoo, out in the outskirts of town where the arboretum was in full bloom and butterflies were flittering everywhere. The zoo hadn't been open very long that morning when we got there, and he and I had the warm room to ourselves. I smiled as the butterflies filled the air. Scott, I noticed, was smiling too. I blushed with embarrassment when I realized he was smiling at _me,_ not the butterflies. How stupid could I be?

"You're really pretty, Sandy. Anyone ever tell you that?"

"I have a boyfriend, Scott."

"Okay, so you have a boyfriend. But does he tell you you're pretty?"

"Yes. He does."

"Good. I'd hate to think you were with someone who couldn't see the obvious."

Well, if anything, he doesn't frighten easily. I blushed again and headed for the door, needing to get out of this warm, private room. He followed along, saying nothing more. His hand, however, brushed against mine as we walked close together. Even though I wouldn't take his hand, it didn't stop my insides from feeling hot one second then jittery cool the next. He said nothing more about me being pretty, but for the next two hours we walked and talked about all sorts of stuff. School, college, and yardwork; what he does to make some extra cash to supplement his fathers financial assistance for school.

He dropped me off before noon, his hand taking mine as he helped me out of his truck. "Can I see you again, maybe next weekend?"

"Yes," I answered, without even thinking about it.

XXX

Calla Lily Rose


	7. Chapter 7 The Fair

**Sandy's Saga**

Chapter 7

**The Fair**

XXX

"You seem distracted," Soda said, breaking into my thoughts. I shook my head, clearing the fog away.

"I just can't hear you over the roar of the engines." I answered loudly. And truth be told, it was ear-piercingly loud out here. Seems everyone wanted to gun the engines at the same time, some rush of testosterone proving each car – and thus each driver – was more manly than the next. I was over it the first time Soda'd brought me here, but he liked this stuff; so therefore I feigned interest too.

Surprisingly, Evie seemed to like this stuff. That, or she was better at faking it. She could name off different makes of cars just as fast as Steve could teach them to her. Sodapop had tried to teach me, but unless it had the make written on the side of the car, on the hood, or on the bumper.. I was lost. Still, I played along trying to be a good sport.

"Hungry?" he asked.

I grinned. Finally, a chance to sit down. "Yeah."

I found a table and sat, waiting while he got us some hot dogs and drinks. "Here ya go," he said, putting the food down and sitting next to me. "I was thinking, you want to go to the movies with me? Next weekend?"

I nearly laughed, choking on my drink. "You hate movies," I reminded him.

"Yeah, but we don't necessarily have to _watch_ the movie." His eyes were bright, but I wasn't as thrilled about the idea.

"Sodapop, is that all I am?"

He looked confused. "What?"

"I mean, ever since the pecan grove, it's like.. that's all you want to do."

He sat back, scratching his head. "No it ain't. I mean, we're here.. having fun.... ain't we?"

My shoulders slumped. I took a bite of my hot dog, stalling. "Yeah, we're here having fun." However, my tone was less than enthusiastic.

"Sandy, sweets... what's wrong?" At least he was considerate enough to sound sincere.

"Nothing, I guess. I just miss the fun stuff we used to do, you know.. hanging out together and all. It's.. changed, somehow."

He put his arm around me. "Never doubt how I feel for you, Sandy. I've been pushing things, is that it?"

It took me a while to answer. "A little. Not that I didn't want it, though. I love you too, Sodapop. It's just.. I want to have fun too."

He smiled, brushing my hair away from my face. "Then you name it. What would you like to do next weekend?"

I smiled. "The fair. It's coming to Tulsa next weekend, and I'd like to go. I know it's sort of expensive, but I have some money ... you won't have to pay for everything."

He ran his fingers through his hair, a look on his face telling me he was figuring it out. "I think that would be great. Maybe we could double? You and me, Steve and Evie?"

My smile faded. "No, I was thinking more along the lines of just you and me for a change. Not that I don't like Steve or Evie....."

He kissed me lightly on my cheek. "Say no more, Sandy. You and me next weekend. Alone. At the fair. And you can pick out the rides, too."

Finally, I had reason to smile. I kissed him back, a light peck on the lips. "Thanks, Sodapop."

* * *

"So, he's taking you to the fair? Really?" Jane asked as she and I were huddled on the outside steps in the quad, enjoying the brief stint of warm sunlight on what was looking like a fast approaching fall. It was lunchtime; she was having a sandwich and chips along with a Pepsi she'd swiped from the teachers lounge, while I downed a slice of pizza and a candy bar – the pizza from the cafeteria and the candy from the same place she got her Pepsi. One day those teachers will learn to lock the door. I mean honestly... we're hovering on our late teenage years here... we're not stupid.

"That's what he promised. I can't wait!"

"I'm going in the middle of next week, after the crowds die down some. I hate long lines."

I looked at the sky. "Hope the weather cooperates. I'd hate to have to postpone it."

She gave me a sly look. "I'm sure you two could find something else to do to keep each other company!"

I tried not to be embarrassed. "And what is that supposed to mean?"

"Sandy! Come on! You don't mean to tell me you and Coke Boy haven't.....?"

I gave her the most innocent look I could come up with, hoping my acting skills were good enough.

"Damn, you_ haven't_! Shoot, honey, what are you waiting on? Half the junior class want to jump his bones. What's your problem?"

I rolled my eyes. "Honestly, Jane. There's more to us than that. He's a great kisser... but, well... it's just not the right time."

"Uh huh. I never thought I'd believe it."

"Hey Darlin! Say, where'd you get them drinks from?"

"Two-Bit, can't you see we're in a private conversation here?" Jane asked with disgust. That was another problem with high school... there simply wasn't any privacy. Along with Two-Bit came the rest of the boys. Steve wasn't far behind Two-Bit, and bringing up the rear were Ponyboy and Johnny.

"Maybe the same place they got theirs," I answered, noticing Ponyboy and Johnny both had cola's in their hands too.

"Nah, doubt that. Those were gimmies from our little lunch stop. I didn't see you there, or I'da said 'hey'."

"Gimmies?" Jane asked. I hid a smile. I knew Two-Bit's lingo well enough considering how much Sodapop had mentioned it.

"Yeah. I see something I like, I say... 'gimmie.'" He grinned at his own joke, the rest of the boys stifling their own amusement.

"Common thief." Jane smirked, obviously disgusted. I didn't want to point out we lifted drinks and snacks from the teachers lounge just about every day.

"Well, darlin... a man has to eat, ya know. Besides, the kiddies were starving. You wouldn't deny food to starving children, would you?"

At that point he was obviously referring to Ponyboy and Johnny. Ponyboy smirked – I knew how much he hates being termed a "boy" or "child", but Johnny looked absolutely chagrined. Thankfully, the bell rang, ending this pointless conversation and ruining my enjoyment of the sunshine.

"See ya, Steve; Two-Bit. Bye Sandy." Ponyboy called out as he and the ever silent Johnny turned back to class.

"Later, Ponyboy," I answered. At least the kid had manners.

"Here, let me help you," Two-Bit bowed, offering his hand to help me to my feet. I didn't get him - one moment he was being a sarcastic ass, the next, almost considerate. Steve, on the other hand, never was hard to figure out. He'd offered his hand to Jane but she promptly shook her head.

"Two-Bit, one day I'm gonna figure you out," I insisted, "but that day ain't today." I turned to leave before he could say another word, heading into the building and escaping into the crowd.

* * *

Anticipation had built for the fair the whole week. I had picked out my clothes in advance, played with my hair – pulling it back into a ponytail since I knew the rides would whip it around. Last thing I needed was to look like Medusa as I snuggled next to Soda on the rides.

And I counted out my change in my coin purse, certain I had enough for the both of us to have a decent time. Of course, I expected him to_ want _to pay, but I also knew he probably wouldn't have much since he gave most of his check to Darry for their expenses. Still, he should have enough to cover the cost of his own ticket. Even if he didn't, I'd loan him the money – never really expecting him to pay me back.

Friday came, and with it... tests. It was a blur, Math, Chemistry, English - and that was just the morning.

"Who's friggin' idea was it to schedule every class with tests on Friday?" Miranda grumbled, setting her things next to me as we huddled outside during lunch. It wasn't warm like it was earlier in the week, but it was still passable.

"I don't know, but they obviously didn't have this much stuff to learn when they were in school. This is insane!" groused Mary, another of the girls. I looked for Jane, but she was no where to be found. I rolled my eyes. If she kept this up, she would start failing every year just like Two-Bit!

"Well, at least the day is almost over," I suggested. They scoffed.

"So? Oh, I forget. You're the goody goody who passes everything." Miranda jeered with a roll of her eyes.

"I study. That's how I pass. You should try it sometime. Those F's on your report card don't stand for 'fabulous' you know. Might even pull them up to a whole D!"

Miranda gave me "the look", slung her bag over her shoulder and went away. Not like my victory was long lived - the bell rang and off we went again. _Anything,_ I thought, _just to get Saturday here._

* * *

The sky was perfect that morning. It was still cool but the sun was bright, helping to warm things up. I knew Soda was working the morning shift so I didn't expect him to call or come by until four-ish. It was hard containing myself, so eager for the afternoon to get here.

"Sandra, I swear honey.... sit still!" Mom implored.

"If you have that much energy, why don't you go help your mother with housework!" Dad insisted as he smoked his pipe and read his paper.

I couldn't help it, but I knew I had to settle down. Since I couldn't, I headed off to the DX anyway, eager to see him.

* * *

"Hey, sweets." Soda smiled as I walked up. A bunch of girls were hanging around, each eying me with disdain as he kissed me. I felt the smallest bit of satisfaction knowing he was my man and not theirs... and while they could look all they wanted, they couldn't touch the merchandise. Hah!

"What time are you getting off?"

He sort of blinked hard, looking down. "Sandy, sweets, I know I promised, but something's come up. See, one of the guys called out sick and the boss can't find anyone to cover. He offered me double time to work his shift too. I had to say yes, it's a no-brainer. I was gonna call you...."

I did my best not to look as hurt as I felt. "Today? He had to call out today?"

"He said he was sick. Anyway, it ain't up to me if he calls out or not. But it's _double pay_, Sandy! That's a lot of dough, and we sort of need it. Besides, I can take you out this week to the fair. It ain't like they won't be here for a few days. We have time."

I nodded, understanding – yet hating it at the same time. I tried not to let on.

"It's my job, Sandy. But we'll go out – like I said. This week. Anyway, it's gonna get cold out later."

I did my best to summon a fake smile. "It's alright. Really, I understand. I'd better go, so you can get back to work. I'll call you later."

I started to leave the service bay where he was standing but he pulled me into a kiss. "I love you, sweets. You know that, right?"

I nodded. "I know. And I love you too. Now, go back to work."

He grinned and turned, and I headed home. However, the tears that I'd kept at bay sprung free. I wiped them away as they fell, one at a time. By the time I'd made it back home, I was too numb to cry. Thankfully, my eyes still worked. There, in my driveway, was Scott. A curious grin on his face.

"I thought you'd forgotten."

Obviously, I had. "Sorry?"

He looked down, grinning wider. "I asked you last weekend if we could go out. You said yes. Did your plans change?"

I shook my head. "No, I'm free."

"Wonderful. Where would you like to go?"

This time it was my turn to grin. "The fair, if that's okay."

He opened his truck door, holding out his hand to help me in. Once he got in next to me, he smiled and started the engine. As we drove along, his hand found it's way to mine, eventually holding it. I was surprised – the feeling of his hand didn't bother me. I found the warmth soothing, especially after the heartbreak I had just had with Sodapop.

"What's wrong?"

I looked at him. "What makes you think something's wrong?"

"That far off look in your eye."

"You're good are reading people," I surmised. "But it's nothing I can't handle."

"I promise I'm a good listener."

I couldn't look at him for a while, letting his words hang in the air. Finally, I had to ask. "Have you got a girlfriend?"

His expression lifted, as if I'd told a joke. "Not yet, but I'm working on it. Why?"

"Well, if you had one, would you stand her up for the sake of a few extra dollars?"

"No. Not if I'd made plans to be with her. Why?"

Again, I let it hang. "Just wondering," I answered, as I twined my fingers in with his.

He paid for everything, the tickets to get in and all the rides as well. Even won me a stuffed bear at the shooting gallery. Took him three times to get it; but once he figured out how it was rigged, it was easy. Or so it looked. Either way, I had a bear sitting next to me as he took me home. Sodapop was right, though, it had turned cold.

"Come here," he said as another chill made me shiver. I slid closer to him, noticing the sweet smell of his aftershave. He wrapped his arm around me, running his finger over my shoulder. I hated to admit it, but I liked it.

"It's a little early still. You want to go home or go driving?"

I smiled. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and the stars twinkled everywhere. "Driving," I answered. "The view on Beaver Point is great."

Scott changed lanes and headed off to Beaver Point. While most of Tulsa is relatively flat, Beaver Point has the only view of town outside of a tall building. Surprisingly, there wasn't anyone else there.

"Guess most people are at the fair," he laughed as he idled the car, keeping the heat running.

"That or at home in front of a fireplace," I agreed. We sat there for a while, saying nothing. His fingers continued to softly skim over my shoulder, either going in circles or up and down my arm.

"Sandy?" Scott asked softly.

I looked at him, his face so close I could feel the warmth of his breath on my cheek. "Yeah?"

"Can I kiss you?"

I hesitated. "I have a boyfriend, Scott...."

"It's just a kiss."

His eyes were charming, glowing almost in the moonlight. I wasn't sure if he kissed me or I kissed him, but I didn't answer – instead I reveled in how he tasted, how his mouth moved with mine. Soda was commanding, whereas Scott allowed me to kiss back, with just as much energy.. just as much want. I was breathless when we broke apart.

"Wow...." I gasped.

He was rubbing the back of my neck with his fingers, sending chills up my spine.

"This boyfriend of yours... he do that for you?"

He didn't ask in a mean way, more like he was curious. I couldn't say the word, but I shook my head.

"Does he do _anything_ for you?"

I looked at Scott. "I love him." Even though I said it, it was more like a defensive answer, not a heartfelt one.

"But when he touches you, is it fulfilling?"

I shook my head to figure it out. "What are you taking about? He loves me back."

Scott waited, saying nothing more. Then he leaned in again, nuzzling my neck, kissing me with passion I hadn't felt before. My body deceived me, arching into him.

"Love has nothing to do with it. He can love you, but if he doesn't fulfill you, then you are missing out on life's biggest pleasure."

His kisses continued, but stayed where exposed flesh was available. Scott didn't try to force me, which teased me more. I felt myself wanting more but resisted that urge.

However, I couldn't resist his kiss. He leaned over me, my back using the bear as a pillow as he kissed my lips, sliding his tongue over them until I allowed him passage to my mouth again. Neither his tongue nor mine fought for control, instead, it was almost like a dance, each a partner. I hadn't experienced this with Sodapop, who - again - tended to be in control of everything.

"Are you and your boyfriend intimate?" he whispered, as if the question was a secret he wouldn't tell.

My eyes deceived me. My body too. I nodded in silence.

"Does he make you explode with passion?"

At this, I crinkled my forehead, not understanding. He, however, understood completely.

"Oh Sandy... I can make you understand. But only if you want to. And not tonight." He kissed me again, my body molding to his. I felt him then, through his jeans. He lingered a moment then pulled away, returning to sit behind the steering wheel. "I want to, but I won't. Not unless you say I can. And I want you to think about it before you answer. But if you say yes... I can fulfill you in ways that boyfriend of yours can't. Or - you can wonder what you are missing. Either way, I leave it to you. Now, I'd better get you home. I don't want your parents upset with me for keeping you out too late."

And as he drove me home, his arm around my shoulder with my hand on his knee.. I began to consider his offer. Still, I needed to think on it.

"Can I see you next weekend?" Scott asked.

"No." I answered.

His jaw tightened, saying nothing. I noticed, though, that his fingers stopped their motion on my shoulder.

"Wednesday. I'm out of school Wednesday. If you can, that is."

Scott looked at me and smiled. "For you, I'll be there."

And honestly, I hoped he meant it.

* * *

Calla Lily Rose

A/N - written rather quickly, proofed twice. I'm not perfect, might have some typo's. Sorry, please forgive.


	8. Chapter 8 Crescendo

**Sandy's Saga**

Chapter 8

**Crescendo**

A/N strong sexual content in this chapter. Written quickly, proofed twice. Please forgive typo's. thanks.

XXX

_"It's my party and I'll cry if I want to...." _The tune kept repeating over and over in my head, like a broken record, nearly driving me batty. The rain was coming down and I was stuck inside, staring out my upstairs window. I was supposed to be doing my homework but couldn't concentrate - and it wasn't exactly Lesley Gore's fault.

Visions of Sodapop kept pulling me away from my science homework. So far, I'd managed to write the answers to number 8, "How is Chlorophyll used in photosynthesis?" and number 14, "What makes a leaf appear green?" but the more complex questions left me staring out the window at the storm, Lesley's voice resonating in the silence, and Soda's smile somewhere mired between it all. I was desperate to know what it was that I was missing, and Scott seemed to have the answer. To get the answer, though, I would have to go behind Sodapop's back.

Frustrated, I got up, pulling the rubber band from my hair so that it lay in unbrushed tangles on my shoulders. I ran my fingers through the mess, giving up and grabbing a brush from my dresser. I needed a break.

"Sandra, how is your homework coming along?" Mom asked as I came downstairs.

"Good. Just needed a few minutes away from it."

She smiled, oblivious as always. I went to Dad's study and pulled the door shut then reached for the phone.

"Jane?" I whispered into the receiver. "It's me, Sandy. Have you done that ridiculous science homework yet?".... "You have? How much for the answers?" I smiled. "You're a doll. Thanks! I owe you!"

I knew Jane would come through. Thanks to her brainy sister who'd graduated last year, all her old notes were being recycled. This included nearly a years worth of science and English assignments – all tidily kept in folders clearly marked –_ Reference_. She would have the notes for me in the morning and I could get them all copied while she drove us to school. Relieved, I went back up to my room to start on history.

Later, after I was finally able to concentrate on something I was actually interested in, I heard a horn beep followed by a ring of our bell. At first I ignored it, then Scott's voice wafting from downstairs zapped me from my assignment. I was on my feet in a second.

".... so my husband can't get to the gutters, and the autumn leaves are just clogging them all up. It's certainly considerate of you to come out, especially in this weather, just to schedule when you can do this for us. You could have called."

"Oh that's alright. I was in the neighborhood anyway." He saw me standing at the bottom of the stairs and smiled, ducking his head so Mom didn't see. "I can do this for you tomorrow, provided the weather is good. I'd rather not slide off my ladder if it's raining."

Mom seemed happy with that. "You sure your college class schedules aren't in conflict?"

He shook his head. "No ma'am. Not at all."

"Then that would be great. We'll leave your fee with Sandy. I have a ladies bridge club meeting tomorrow afternoon, and my husband won't be back until late that evening either. Is that alright?"

He looked at me, nodding. "I think that would be fine."

* * *

"Sandy, sweets... what's got you so jumpy?" Soda cooed as he held my hand in the DX break room. His eyes searched mine but I simply shook my head.

"Nothing. Just some tough assignments this week. That midterm is going to kick my butt."

He pulled his chair closer to me and smiled sincerely. "You're gonna ace it."

"I wish I shared your confidence," I muttered. "If all this is so easy, why'd you quit?"

He sat back, his gaze faltering a bit. "I never said it was easy. Just.... you have a better handle on it. I've seen your grades and I know you. You're a smart lady, and I love you." He leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"But would you love me if, say, I wasn't so smart?"

"Of course."

"How bout if I weren't pretty."

"No one is prettier than you."

"But if I weren't?"

"I'd still love you."

"How bout if I were fat?"

He laughed. "That would never happen."

"Sodapop!"

"What? You, Sandra, are smart, pretty and will do well on your tests. _And_ I'll love you, no matter what."

But would he? No matter what?

A bell dinged as a car pulled in.

"Sodapop... enough fooling around back there. Customers!" Steve's voice barked from the outer office. Soda sighed, scraped his chair back and got up.

"I'm on my way," he called out. "Sorry, sweets... but work calls. Can I see you tonight?"

I thought quickly, my mind jumping from thought to thought. "No. I might be out with Jane. She's got notes I need for all these classes. But tomorrow's good."

He smiled. "Then tomorrow I'll take you to the fair like I promised I would last weekend. I hope you ain't mad still, that I had to postpone..."

"_Sodapop!_" Steve called again, sounding ticked.

"Go, Soda. And no, I'm not upset."

He smiled and headed out. I smoothed my dress and headed out after him. He waved as I rounded the corner, hurrying more and more as the sidewalk carried me home.

Scott's truck was in the driveway, already getting the leaves out of the gutters when I made it home.

"Hey," I called to him. He turned and looked down at me.

"Hey yourself. I knocked, but no one was home. Figured I'd go ahead and get the job started – postponing it wouldn't get it done." He climbed down the ladder, looked at me and smiled. Despite the coolness of the air, he had his sleeves pushed back and sweat glistened on his skin. It slicked his hair some, making it darker - almost like Soda's. I didn't exactly know what to say.

"Have much to do?"

He looked back at the gutters. "Maybe another hour, maybe less. You still, uh, we still on for later? When I get done with this, I mean?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Sure. What exactly do you have planned? Just so.. so I'm dressed right."

He shrugged, stepping a little closer. "Wear whatever's good for you. If it's alright, I'd like to take a quick shower before we leave. Your parents said yesterday they would be in late. What time do you think they're gonna show?"

"Not until after eight."

He was silent a second, thinking, then nodded. "Perfect."

We stood there, silent, then I motioned for the door. "I'd better go do my homework."

He nodded, looking up toward the gutters again. "And I'd better get these gutters done."

And for the second day in a row I sat by my window, watching and thinking, unable to comprehend a word of my notes. _Soda's been with other girls and they didn't mean anything to him. Just like Scott won't mean anything later. _

Scott's voice an hour later pulled me out of my thoughts - "Sandy, where's the shower?"

He showered quickly, coming out a few minutes later dressed in jeans and a pullover shirt. His jumper was shoved in his gym bag, his wet towel in my hamper. I'd slid on a skirt, pulled my hair up and had on a nice blouse. Soda always said he liked this blouse the best, that it brought out the blue in my eyes.

"Ready?" he asked. I nodded.

He drove us out to Melchers, a diner on the edge of the strip and got us some food, then headed off to an apartment complex down by the college.

"That your school?"

Scott looked up. "Yep. It isn't much, but it's a start. Here I can get all the sciences I need for either medical school or any technical field in medicine. Knocks out two birds with one stone."

He stopped by a door, turning a key in the lock. I felt nervous. "You live here alone?"

He smiled. "Yeah. It's a bit more expensive than sharing, but worth it. I had a roommate for two weeks but he'd never turn the music off or stop smoking his weed. I told him he would either move out on his own or I'd narc on him. He left, I switched to this place, and all's well that ends well." He flipped the lights and I looked around.

The room was simple. In one corner was a small kitchen, a bathroom off to the side and a couch against one wall facing a small TV. Rabbit ears lined with aluminum foil sat on top of the set. I laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing. It's just... smaller than I pictured." Truth? The place looked a lot like Soda's house, just a lot smaller. Tiny kitchen with a stack of dishes by the sink, the rabbit ears on the TV, and the old couch! I wondered if all men lived like this when young and single. They never know how to decorate anything!

He closed the door, bringing me back to reality. He dropped his gym bag, took my hand, and led me to the kitchen. "I have beer and Pepsi," he offered. I blushed. He smiled at me then cupped my chin, softly brushing his thumb over my cheek.

"Pepsi, please." I answered. He leaned over and kissed me, equally as softly as his finger had been. I wasn't sure if I should kiss back even though I really wanted to. I was still debating the whole 'betrayal to Sodapop' issue in my head.

"What is it?" Scott asked carefully, sensing my reluctance. I didn't know what to say. "Sandy, it's fine. I ain't gonna do anything you don't want me to do. Even if it's just dinner and some TV, that's fine. But you're a woman who deserves to be treated right buy a guy who knows how. You tell me what you want, and I'll do my damnedest to please you."

I took that in, nodding my head carefully at first, then stronger. He leaned in and kissed again and I opened my mouth to take his kiss. As before, it was a dance of sorts, both our bodies wanting and accepting the other. He broke away first, smiling, then got the Pepsi for me.

He set out two plates and I took the food out of the bag. For the first little bit, it was casual conversation. He told me about school, the hard parts (finding time to study with so many classes while still keeping time for his yard business) and the easy stuff (getting to classes on time since he has always been an early riser).

"I hope I have the same issues when I go. You know, balancing work and school."

He looked up. "You want to go to college?"

I smiled and nodded. "Yes. In a few years, after high school. Maybe study art if I'm lucky."

"Well, I think that's great."

We finished dinner quickly - taco's don't take that long to eat, and he flipped on the television, patting the seat next to him for me. I sat down, feeling his arm on my shoulder as he pulled me against him.

"You are way too tense. Worried about that boyfriend of yours?"

I hated to say it, but... "Yes."

He nodded. "You love him?"

"I do. I don't even know why I'm here." I felt so stupid and leaned over my knees, trying to hunch into a ball. _Pathetic, Sandy,_ I thought to myself.

Scott was silent for a while before speaking. "This boyfriend, he … experienced?"

I looked at him, "We've been together...."

He shook his head. "No, I mean, is he _more_ experienced. Has he been with other girls?"

I waited, wondering if I should answer. Finally I nodded, still unable to speak.

Scott's hand rubbed my back, pulling the tension out. "But those girls don't mean nothing to him, do they?"

I shook my head. "No. He loves me."

"I'm not asking for your love, Sandy. I know your heart is his. But, I can show you what it's like to feel complete, to feel bliss. And then, when you are with him, you will know what to do to feel it again."

His gaze had been searing into me, his hand brushing the hair from my face. He leaned in, kissing me again, each allowing the other to taste – and be tasted. He nibbled my neck, his hand softly searching out the middle of my back. The itch... the warmth within me tingled. "I don't know...." I mumbled.

"He's always going to be yours, but how will you know what you're missing....?" he whispered as his warm breath kissed my neck.

I felt myself leaning back against the couch seat as his hand touched the inside of my leg. I shivered, he stopped and looked at me again.

"What am I missing?" I wondered out loud. For _weeks_ the answer had eluded me. I wanted to know. I _yearned_ to know.

"Everything. I'll show you everything. And you can take it with you wherever you go."

I felt his chest, his muscles tight under his shirt. My hand dropped to the snap of his jeans all the while feeling his mouth on me; kissing me, tasting me. I itched. I needed this, if only so I didn't wonder any more.

"Come. This isn't the right place. You're too wonderful a woman for just a couch. To make love here would be cheap, and you are worth so much more."

He led me to his bedroom, somewhat larger than his living room but with most of the space taken up by the large bed. It was darker here, the window shades pulled and no other lights on. Our shadows dimly moved on the far wall. He unbuttoned my blouse and unzipped my skirt; all the while lavishing me with kisses that only sought to tease me more. In return, I had finally managed the snap of his jeans but could do nothing else. I almost felt as if I were violating _him_ somehow by going there.

He took over, removing his clothes one piece at a time. At first, I was going to turn away but he softly protested.

"No, look. See what a man looks like. Touch, explore."

I did, and wow; even in the darkness - what a sight. He stood close to me, the heat from our bodies palpable. He leaned and kissed again, gently motioning me onto the bed. I lay back, pushing myself against the pillows.

"Does he do this?" he asked, kissing me on each breast. "Or this?" His tongue swirled my naval, his mouth going lower each time.

I could feel his hands on my body but closed my eyes to him. I wanted to see Sodapop there, hear his voice. I imagined it was Soda making love to me, allowing me to finally have my itch scratched to completion.

"I want you, Sandy." he said in a husky, soft tone.

"Please...." I murmured back. Already my legs were aching to hold his body, to feel his weight gently gliding along mine. And suddenly, I felt him. The pressure was more than it had been before. He pushed in – almost as if I were a virgin again. My toes curled against the intrusion, my back pulling up into him. His motion was smooth, rocking with me, letting the intensity build higher and higher.

"Oh God, yes..." I mumbled, my eyes tight. In the darkness, it was Sodapop. My hands pulled at his back, my nails digging into his shoulders.

"Suck me," he breathed. I wanted to. I wanted everything he could give. He lay lower, gliding in in long, strong strokes. As the angle of his body changed, so did the sensations within me where we were joined as one. I tasted his neck, the salt in his sweat as he moved without tiring. I wanted it, I wanted all of it. Like a starving animal, I sucked the tight flesh of his neck into my mouth, released then tasted his shoulder. It wasn't enough. I felt an awakening, a tingling hunger brewing within me.

"More..." I begged. "Please.... don't stop...."

He moved again, changing his body angle even higher - all the while his sliding, rocking, piston-like motion never slowed. In fact, it_ increased_, and with it – my own cries of fulfillment.

Then, in the throws of motion, I felt a tightening – an indescribable tidal wave of fire that billowed through me, yet didn't burn. I reached for him, grabbing his hands and squeezing hard.

"Oh... my God!... Oh!" I cried out, eyes popping wide open.

He was looking down at me, still moving, never stopping. "Yeah, baby... that's it.. take me... take me..." He grinned, the sweat beaded on his lip, his brow, dropping from his skin onto mine. He pistoned harder.... pushing deeper still and paused for half a beat.... pushed out and returned just as hard only to pause again.

Within me I felt a clamping; a clenching of my body to his – _by my own body!_ And within me, it was as if I could feel him spasming too. I didn't want to let go but I couldn't control it. Our spasms continued then waned as quickly as they had come. Scott lay over me, breathing hard then relaxing as our heaving chests slowed the tempo. A moment later, he kissed me and rolled over, the coolness of the room now chilling my sweat covered body.

"That, dear Sandy, is how a man makes love to a woman," he said as his breath slowed. It was all I could do to nod in agreement. I still hadn't found my voice again.

His fingers trailed along my stomach a moment, then he sat up facing away from me. He grabbed a towel and headed into the bathroom, turned the faucet and disappeared for a few minutes. I lay still, the revelry still alive in every pore on my body. By the time the water stopped flowing in the bathroom, however, I was up. I didn't _want _a shower. I didn't _want_ to wash him off me, but I knew that it would be noticed by someone. I didn't need questions.

"Can I take a quick shower?"

"Sure Sandy. Anything you want." He lingered a moment, brushing his hand against my face and leaning down to kiss me again. Soft, tender. I appreciated it. As he pulled away, I noticed the large marks on his neck and chest.

"Did I do that?" I asked aghast as I touched the raw bruise.

He smiled, "Yes, but it's okay. I don't mind."

Terrified, I felt my own neck, but he took my hand, kissing my fingers. "I left you without a mark. Your boyfriend will never know unless you tell him. Ever."

I checked my neck in the mirror, relieved he was telling the truth. There were no marks anywhere. I turned the water back on, the heat from Scott's shower lingering along with his touch on my skin. I washed my body as well as I could while keeping my hair out of the spray, then dressed quickly when it was over.

"Time's getting late. I'd better get you home."

On the way, I was silent. Too many thoughts spun in my head. Finally, Scott broke the silence.

"You okay?"

"Yes... I'm fine. I'm … more than fine."

I caught his grin. "You're welcome. Now you know what you were missing."

Still, I worried. "This was – just a one time thing – right?"

He looked over at me. "Of course. You love your boyfriend. His heart is yours, yours is his. Just, now you know what you should get out of it. Don't forget it."

"I won't." I said, meaning it. My house was ahead and I remembered the gutters. "Oh, Scott... I nearly forgot.. here..." I handed him the money Mom had given me to pay him with. He took it, pocketing it. "Thanks."

I got out and headed inside as Scott drove away.

"Sandra? Honey, where have you been?"

I went out with Scott for a while. He was really hungry after the gutter work, asked if there was any place to eat. I tried to give him directions to Melchers but he kept getting it confused. It was just easier if I showed him. That okay?"

Dad looked out from behind his paper. "Next time, leave a note."

"I will. Well, I'm beat. Night."

"Night Sandra," they echoed.

I quickly brushed and got ready for bed, still imagining Soda's... I meant_ Scott's_ body against mine, his making love to me, feeling the explosion within me. Reveling in the wetness that still persisted in my most private place, reminding me of the first real orgasm of my life. Not even Soda had left me this wet this long. Now knowing what I was missing, I couldn't wait to experience it with him; for our bodies to clench in unison.

Contented at last, I finally fell asleep.

* * *

Calla Lily Rose


	9. Chapter 9 Elephant Ears

**Sandy's Saga**

Chapter 9

**Elephant Ears**

* * *

"Sandra, Sodapop's here." Mom's voice lifted up to my room.

I looked at my hair one last time and headed for the stairs, grabbing my sweater off the hook. Soda was smiling up at me as I made my way down, reaching out for my hand as I joined his side.

"You two going out with others?" Dad asked.

"Oh Dad, it's the fair! There's going to be at least a few_ hundred_ others there."

"Well, you two kids have a good time. Sodapop, not too late."

"I'll have her home byyyy....."

"Ten. No later." Dad emphasized. I groaned and looked at Mom, who gave me that - _Your father's right, don't argue -_ look.

"Right. Ten. Ready Sandy?" he asked, squeezing my hand, making me look at him. I smiled.

"Ready. Bye Dad!"

Soda had his brother's truck parked out by the curb and held the passenger door open for me.

"You hungry first? We could swing by the Dairy Queen for something."

I nodded. "That would be great."

"I heard they had some new sandwich out, thought I'd try it. Beats anything we're gonna get at the fair."

"Except elephant ears. Can't get those anywhere but the fair."

He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer. "Nope, those are fair specialties. You want cinnamon on yours, or chocolate drizzled?"

"Cinnamon," I answered as I snuggled in his embrace. The strip was busy, even for a week day evening. We got our food and sat at one of their outside benches. I was lost in thought when I realized he was looking at me.

"What's up? You're quieter than usual."

I put my food down and laced my fingers with his. "Soda, what do you plan to do?"

"Whaddya mean? I plan to go out with my lady and have a swell evening."

I shook my head. "No, I mean about later? Your life?" He slumped his shoulders some, and while he kept his hand twined with mine, the pull wasn't there. "I know you quit to help out Darry... it's got to be really expensive being on your own and all...and I'm not judging you for that. It's just... later, after Ponyboy is out of school and on his own. What will you do then?"

He chewed an onion ring far longer than necessary, swallowed some of his milkshake and shrugged. "I don't know exactly. Work on cars like I do now. Why?"

"Is that all you want to do? Work on cars?"

He grinned. "Yeah. I like it. Fixing motors, making engines purr like kittens. Nothing beats the sound of a well built engine running wide open. Everybody needs a good mechanic, even doctors and lawyers. If their car breaks down on the side of the road, they're gonna call a mechanic to fix it. I fixed your dad's car, don't forget. No matter how big and technical the world gets, there's still gonna be a need for mechanics to fix stuff."

I tried to find a silver lining to that.

"Not everyone is meant to go to college, Sandy. But that doesn't make us bad people. We all have gifts. Mine is cars."

"What's mine then?"

He smiled, holding my hand with affection again. "Whatever your heart desires. You just have to figure it out."

I accepted that. Mom hadn't gone to college; she and Dad met when she was seventeen and Dad was eighteen. They dated and married sometime after Mom finished high school. Of course, times were easier then; it was customary for women to be home-makers or teachers, but I wasn't so sure that was what I wanted. I wanted to work with art. Somehow, someway.

"Ready?" Sodapop asked, crumpling his wrappers. I nodded and stood to go.

**

The fair was a blast. Jane was right, the lines were shorter than they had been when I was with Scott, and Soda's company was more comfortable too. He smiled and held me close, wrapping his arms around me when we stood in line so I would be warmed by his body. As we spun around in the various spinning rides, we both shouted like kids, laughing endlessly. After what had to be our tenth trip in some sort of centrifuge, he was heading to yet another twister.

"Wait, hold on. I need a break or I'm going to spew," I laughed. He turned and grinned.

"Okay, a break."

His eyes were bright as he looked at me. His hands came up, gently cradling my face between them as he gazed wordlessly at me. I knew he would kiss me and smiled my approval. His lips were soft, tender. For a moment I forgot we were standing in the middle of the fairway; to me we were alone in a field. My arms wrapped around him, pulling him closer as his fingers wove in my hair, his lips one with my own.

"Jeeze Sandy, get a room!"

Miranda's voice broke my enchantment, and I looked around ready to tell her off. When I spotted her, she was already a good ten yards off and blending into the crowd with some guy leading her away, both laughing.

"Ignore them." Soda whispered. I looked back at him, his fingers brushing away my bangs. "She's just another mouth with no class."

"I should go give her a piece of my mind though," I said, still upset. Soda kissed my forehead instead.

"Want me to go do it? I could probably put it a bit more bluntly, and then she couldn't accuse you of anything."

"No, I don't want her in the hospital either."

"Come on, lets go find us some elephant ears."

There were several booths selling them so they weren't hard to find. He went to stand in line while I found us a table, thankfully somewhat clean and empty. I watched him for a while, then felt a nudge on my shoulder.

"Hey, oogling your man?"

I grinned. "Hey Jane. Not oogling. Waiting. He's getting us something to eat. How long you been here?"

"Oh, a few hours now. I thought I saw you earlier when I was up on one of the rides, but by the time it was done, you were gone. My feet are killing me and I'm bout out of cash, but I'm determined to stay out as long as I can. My folks want me home by eleven. Maybe I'll head over to the strip instead."

"Sorry, I ain't got much left either."

"You had to fork over the dough for this?" She asked, waving her hands around while smirking.

I shook my head. "No, actually, he's paid most of it. I just didn't bring much with me."

She seemed surprised. "They must be paying mechanics better than I thought." She looked up, then stood. "He's coming so I'll disappear. See ya at school tomorrow."

"Bye!"

"Another friend of yours?" Soda asked as he sat down.

I looked at my cinnamon covered elephant ear and grinned. "Yes, but a good one this time. That's Jane. You've met her a few times."

"Ah Jane. I think I remember her."

I laughed at him. "I doubt it. You have too many women admirers to remember them all."

"Just remember, I only have eyes for you."

The elephant ear was still hot, the cinnamon melting into the fried dough. I looked at him carefully as my fork poked holes in the mess. He looked up and grinned. "What?"

I smiled, looking away. "Sorry. It's just.. I dunno. I'm glad you brought me." I reached for his hand and he held it, his thumb softly running over my knuckles.

"Well, I promised, and I try to keep my promises."

I felt my face warm up and tried to hide it by eating some of the ear.

"You cold? Your face is all red."

I shook my head. "No, well.. maybe a little. Mostly I'm just happy."

He looked at his food, smiling at it and turning a tad pinker too. "You make me happy too."

We ate after that, keeping the talk to a minimum until the ears were gone.

"Lets go for a walk," he suggested and I was ready to oblige. The night chill was setting in and with my stomach full of food, I didn't think another ride was such a good idea.

He took me to the barn, to see the winning chickens, ducks and rabbits; to look at blue ribbon squashes and massive pumpkins. Mostly all I saw was him, the rest were just details.

"It's getting late. One more ride?"

"Soda, I don't think I can. I might throw up!"

"Nah, not on this one." So hand in hand we walked to the ferris wheel and took a seat. Looking out as we rose higher and higher, all of Tulsa was visible. The night sky was cloudless. It was warm being in his arms. Dreamy, almost.

"I love you, Sandy."

I looked at him, smiling as I nestled closer. "I love you too, Sodapop."

The ride went around several times, for all of them I was lost in his embrace, the feel of his breath against my neck as he wrapped himself around me.

* * *

He had the heat on in the truck as he drove us from the fairgrounds, but it was taking a while to kick in. I rubbed my hands to warm them.

"Sorry. It'll warm up soon."

I nodded. "It's okay."

He wrapped his arm around me, holding me close as he drove with the other. I lay my head back, content in his arms. A while later, after a series of turns and straight-ways, he pulled the truck over and leaned over, kissing me.

I started, unsure what was going on.

"Hey, it's just me. You fell asleep. What? You think someone else was kissing you?"

He was looking at me, his eyes dancing in the darkness. I shook my head. "No. But... my dad......"

"Your house is a few blocks over. We have a few minutes still."

His hand was tracing my collarbone, his touch light. I felt my skin tingle under his fingers. He leaned down again, kissing me; his tongue sliding along my lips asking entry. I relented, tasting him again. My hands, like his, were wandering. As he felt my breasts through my clothes, I felt the lean muscles of his chest.

Before I knew it, I was laying against the seat, his hand under my blouse, rubbing my nipples to hardness. I remembered it was only yesterday that Scott and I were together, and I wanted Soda to take that place. However, we didn't have time.

"Soda..." I mumbled.

"Hmmm?"

He didn't stop planting kisses along my neck, kissing the notch in my throat. I pushed on his chest a bit harder...

"Soda... stop...."

He looked up. "Whats wrong, Sweets?"

"Time. We don't have _time_... and not in the middle of the street either....." Good Lord, what if my neighbors saw.

He paused, sitting back while getting his breathing back to normal. "I knew I should have left earlier." He looked at me, smiling while rubbing my cheek. "Sorry Sandy. I just... you get me going... is all."

I had to grin. "Well, it isn't like I don't want you. This just isn't the best time."

He started the engine and put it in gear. "Can I see you again this weekend?"

I looked at him, hating I had to wait even ten minutes let alone a few more days. "Yes."

He walked me to my door, kissing me with a respectable, no-tongue kiss. "Night, Sandy."

"Night, Sodapop. I had a great time. All the rides.. I mean it." I hoped he understood what I meant. I couldn't say it, since I had a feeling we weren't the only ones at the door. Sure enough, it opened, with Dad standing there to let me in.

"Thanks for having her home before ten. Evening, Sodapop."

Soda and Dad exchanged a few words of pleasantries.. I think they were more strained on Dad's side than on Soda's, but nevertheless, the night was over. I watched Soda leave from my window, wishing the weekend were here already.

XXX

Calla Lily Rose


	10. Chapter 10 Natural

**Sandy's Saga**

Chapter 10

**Natural**

* * *

"I won't be long, just need to get out of these oil stained rags." Soda kissed me and headed down the hall, leaving me standing alone - in the middle of … chaos.

I barely heard him as he had to yell over the noise, Ponyboy and Johnny had the television up loud while making a house of cards in front of it, Darry in the kitchen with pots and pans covering every burner.

"Hey Sandy, you want something to drink?" Darry offered, glancing my way.

"No, thanks," I answered.

"We need another deck, hold on, I'll … aww shoot!"

I tried to hide my smile when the house of cards came down just as Ponyboy went to stand up. There had to be at least two decks already on the floor.

"Guess we don't need that other deck, huh Ponyboy?" Johnny asked.

"No, guess not."

"They'll keep at it, just you watch." Darry said, siding up next to me. It was hard not to notice the contours of his arm muscles through his shirt. Soda's were well defined too, but not like Darry's. I put it out of my mind.

"How long have they been working on it already?" I asked, hoping I wouldn't have to shout.

He looked at the clock. "Maybe an hour. It's already collapsed twice on them, but they never give up."

"Okay, sweets... I'm ready. Darry, I'll be back eventually."

"Midnight, Sodapop. No later. Have a good time, you two."

"Bye Soda... Sandy," Ponyboy said without looking up. "Put that card there, Johnny...."

He opened the truck door for me then got in his side, started it and headed off. "Is that aftershave?" The scent was faint, but present.

He smiled. "Yeah. It's Darry's though. You like it?"

"It's different. I didn't know you were gonna get all fancy for me." I teased.

"Even changed my socks too, just for you."

I laughed, then scrunched my nose. "I didn't need to know those details, Sodapop!"

He tugged and I slid over closer to him, letting him put his arm around me. "So where to?"

I looked at the selection... as if the strip ever changes. "I'm sort of in the mood for barbecue. You?"

"Sure thing, babe. Mind if we walk though?"

"Not at all." He parked the truck and we set out on foot. I had a feeling I knew why he wanted to park.... the strip was busy and I noticed the gas gauge was hovering on the other side of half. Soda got to use the truck, but I knew it was Darry's and despite working for the DX, the gas wasn't free. I really didn't mind walking, the weather was mild and the sky clear, stars shining above.

He held me close as we walked along the strip, heading for the Bar-B-Q Hut, one of the better places for Texas style barbecue.

"Ready for fall?" I asked. The fall and winter can be rather brutal around here.

"Bout as ready as I'll ever be. Business is picking up at the station, lots of people wanting to get their cars ready for the bad weather."

"I bet Darry'll be glad to get off those hot roofs for a change."

He nodded with a grin. "Yeah, but when the weather gets cold, building slows down."

My smile faded. I'd forgotten that part. I studied Soda's face, wondering if they'd really be okay. He looked at me, grinning.

"Don't worry... he's always got a back-up plan. We'll be fine. Here, let's eat."

He opened the door, the tangy sweet smell of barbecue flooding the air. A waitress led us to a booth and handed us some greasy coated menus. I was absorbed in mine when a voice called my name.

"Hey Sandy, surprise meeting you here!"

I looked up, Scott was sitting at the counter not three feet away.

"Scott! Hi!" My mind went blank as to what I was to do. Soda was looking intrigued as to who Scott was, and I wasn't sure what to say or how to introduce them. But, I had to say_ something_....

"Scott, this is Sodapop, Sodapop - Scott...."

Scott reached over and shook Soda's hand. "Hey. So you're Sandy's boyfriend, huh?"

"Yes, she's my lady. Sorry, didn't catch...."

"Sorry. I did some yardwork for Sandy's parents a few weeks back. She showed me around her house, stuff like where her mother's flowers were so I wouldn't mow them over. You know how women are about their flowers, right?"

"Yeah, I do." Soda nodded with a faint grin. I knew there weren't any flowers blooming at his place, his parents being gone and all – a bunch of guys wouldn't care about outside decoration. They were always stampeding over the little grass they had playing football or basketball.

"Well," he said, grabbing his take out order, "I guess I'd better head out. Sandy, if you need any more help managing those problems, let me know." He got up and left, while I tried not to die right there.

"Problems?" Soda asked, sucking down his Coke the waitress had brought.

"You know those dandelions, they just won't go away." I managed to say. "Can I have some of your Coke?" I asked, my throat suddenly dry.

"Sure Sandy. Here," he slid his drink to me, I gulped it greedily.

Later, despite being with Soda in the most public of places, the strip, I had only one thought on my mind.

"You're awful quiet. Something wrong?" he asked.

I blushed, wondering how I was supposed to tell him. He smiled, looking at me as my skin warmed.

"Sandy?"

"I'm in the mood for pecans."

He looked at me confused, then his eyebrow went up as he understood.

"Now ain't that a strange coincidence. Me too."

The truck was where he'd parked it, and wasted no time heading away from the lights and traffic of town. I tried to pay attention to where we were going, then recognized the place as one he'd taken me to before – Bryler Park. It was just as abandoned as before, dark and quiet.

He was kissing me even before getting the truck in park, not that I really noticed as I was running my fingers over his chest right through the buttons on his shirt.

"Not in here..." he muttered, slipping kisses down my neck.

"What?" I asked, breathing hard trying to make sense of what he was saying.

"Not.... here....." he repeated, opening his door. Tucked under the seat he pulled a folded up blanket and kissed my hand, then came to my side of the truck, helping me out. He led me to a clearing by the lake, spread the blanket and took my hand again, pulling me down in its center.

We undressed each other, clothes falling around us as the heady rush to feel his skin on mine intensified. I lay back, feeling his hands on my hips, his fingers wandering in my coarse hair.

"I love you, Sandy," he mumbled as I felt him brush against my leg.

"I love you too, Sodapop," I returned, reaching for him, running my fingers up his shaft then teasing him with a gentle grip in my fist, sliding up and down his length. He moaned. "I take it you like that?" I asked with desire in my tone. He had no idea how bad I wanted him right then.

"Oh baby... damn what you do to me."

Even in the moonlight, I could see his eyes were closed, his hips thrusting against my grip. I guided him to me, letting his tip touch my hair, my body hungry for his.

"Wait..." he said, his body stopping as he froze.

I looked at him, confused, then he leaned back, grabbed his jeans and pulled out his wallet. As he fished the condom out of the package, I wondered about something.

"Do they make different types of those?"

"Huh?"

Clearly he wasn't thinking about anything besides what we were doing, but I wanted to know. A woman's mind can obviously process many more things at once over a man's.

"The store you get those from – they sell any others? Like... something more natural?"

He looked at me as if I'd asked him to recite the Gettysburg Address. The results of having him think about something else were visible.

"Sandy,_ what?"_

I gave up, rubbing his thigh with my foot to get things going again. "I was only wondering. Never mind." I sat up and kissed him, pushing my tongue in his mouth as he finally let my words go. He kissed me back as his hands rubbed my breasts, then trailed down to my waist, and back to my hips again. He gently pushed me back until he was against me, rolled on the condom and began to make love to me.

As he thrust deep inside me, I tried to push Soda even deeper, lifting my hips against his thrust. My itch was screaming to be scratched, burning even, desperate to be scraped raw. I dug into his back, not wanting him to stop. I was almost there... I could feel it building... then....

"God! Oh God!" He moaned loudly, his body going rigid as he froze deep inside me. He pulled and thrust again, "Sandy... baby...." he panted then relaxed. He gently lay against me, his body cool to the touch thanks to a thin sheen of sweat. I moved my hips, trying to get something more from him, but he was already limp. I wanted to cry from the injustice of it all.

As disappointed as I was, his kisses after his orgasm were tender and thorough. He pushed my hair back from my eyes and let his fingers trail down to my breasts where he played with my nipples.

"I really do love you, Sandy. I hope you know that."

I smiled, trying not to look … disappointed. "I know you do. I love you too."

We lay there; not moving, letting the moonlight bathe us in a nighttime glow, until he slapped his side.

"Stupid mosquitoes," he mumbled. I couldn't help it, I started laughing.

"Oh sure, laugh it up. I don't want to explain why my bare butt has mosquito bites on it."

"You let others see your bare butt?" I asked teasingly as we fumbled for our clothes.

"Sandy.. I live with my brothers. Of course somebody's going to see my butt!"

"Just tell them a mosquito bit you, it'll be the truth!"

He handed me my shoes and started folding the blanket. "That's a truth that's a little hard to believe."

As we got in the truck and turned the heat on, he looked at me. "What was all that about the condoms earlier?"

I felt my skin blush. "I was just wondering if, well, if you could find a different type. One that's … more natural."

He was quiet as my request settled. "I don't think they make anything 'more natural.' I could ask Darry, but.. that's gonna be one weird conversation."

I almost swallowed my tongue. "Don't you dare ask your brother! I don't want him knowing what we're doing! He doesn't know, does he?"

Soda gave me a quirky look, which told me he did.

"Sodapop!"

He smiled. "Relax, Sandy. He's twenty years old and ain't stupid. He's the one getting them for me in the first place. Rather, he _buys_ them and puts them in my dresser, I don't even have to ask. He knows the score. I don't exactly know how to bug him about being selective, though. Shoot, those things are a 'one is just as good as another' kind of thing, I think. Why?"

I didn't know what to say. I knew what I_ wasn't _going to say... that someone else had gotten me over the pinnacle while he left me begging for more. "I was just wondering - just wanting to spice things up for us."

He grinned and pulled me closer. "You are the best spice out there. Nothing could be better."

If only he knew how untrue that was.

He let me out at my house, walking me to my door and kissing me goodnight. The light came on and the door opened, Dad there with a forced smile.

"Evening, Sodapop. I trust your dinner was good?"

"Yes sir. Well, I enjoyed it. I let Sandy pick the place, she chose the Bar-B-Que Hut. I like their stuff too."

"That's nice, son. Well, it's getting late. She has school tomorrow, so you'd better be off. Night Sodapop."

I rolled my eyes, knowing that was a jab at Soda for dropping out. We all knew it was a school night, Dad was just being a pain.

I went to shower, feeling my tenderness down there. Soda had been thrusting hard, my whole lower half could still feel it. Still, behind the closed and locked bathroom door, within the small confines of the shower and with the spray raining down, I fingered myself, feeling the thickened tissues of my inner body. I tried to rub myself – wishing I could take myself over the pinnacle like Scott had taken me, but all I ended up doing was irritating my already sore body.

As I stood and washed my hair, I grumbled.. men had it so easy!

* * *

"So you did what?" Jane was asking me for the tenth time today.

"I told you already, we went to eat and hung out. You didn't see us? Hell, we were all over the strip!"

She was giving me a ride from the shopping center. I was expecting my monthly any time now and was running very low on supplies. I could have had Mom get me some stuff, but she always got the wrong size, and this was something I'd rather not have my father pick out for me. So, I asked Jane for a lift. It was either ask her, Miranda or Sodapop.. and as expected, Jane was more than willing. She loved driving out here, the college was close and she loved ogling the men.

"Well, I didn't see you. Not that I was looking, Jim was sort of keeping me occupied!"

I rolled my eyes. That was her current guy. She'd been out with more guys than I could count. "You need a steady, not a guy of the week," I scolded.

She laughed. "When I find one that seems good enough for two weeks, I'll let you know."

"Stop!" I said, suddenly recognizing a truck. She hit the brakes, earning a stern honking by the car behind her.

"Sandra – have you lost your mind?" she screamed.

I fumbled with the door, getting out. "Keep my stuff in the car, I'll get it back from you at school tomorrow. And don't tell my parents you left me here – I'll catch a bus home! I'll be fine!"

"You've got to be kidding me! Sandy, get back in this car!"

The car behind us honked again, twice, the driver getting angrier.

"Go, Jane. I'll explain later. Just – don't tell anyone about this. Please?"

She looked at me, knowing she had no choice. "You'd better be careful. I hope you know what you're doing. Call me later!"

I pushed the door shut and she drove off, the driver of the car behind us giving me a look that would send me to Hades if possible. I turned, heading to the truck.

In the back were some rakes, a ladder, and a bucket full of gardening tools. The cab of the truck was as I remembered it. I tried the door, but it was locked. I looked around but didn't see him anywhere. Nearby was a bench, so I went and sat down, hoping wherever he was, he wasn't going to be long.

An hour later, he came over the grassy hill, heading for his truck.

"Scott!"

He looked over, smiling. "Hey Sandy. You come to apply already?"

I grinned. "No, I was... I was hoping we could talk."

"Sure, jump in. I've got to go to my place and change anyway, I'm planting bushes for a lady this afternoon."

He started the truck, lowering the window so the heat in the cab could escape. He put his hand over mine, gently squeezing my fingers. I felt flushed, not expecting that, and moved my hand away.

"You okay?" he asked, looking at me.

I nodded. "I wanted to ask you something, something personal. I just don't know how to ask."

His finger rubbed his chin, an amused yet curious look in his eyes. "Well, the only way I know to deal with that is for you to just ask and let me deal with any uncomfortableness."

I looked out at the passing scenery, trying to summon courage.

"You and .. Sodapop, was it? You two have a good time last night?"

By the look on his face, I could tell he wasn't just talking about dinner. I blushed. "Yeah." Still, I said nothing, just gripped the edge of the seat.

"But he still ain't doing it for you, is he?"

I was stunned. I shook my head in silence. He pulled into the familiar apartment complex and led me upstairs.

"Is he not... equipped right?"

"Oh yeah, he's equipped," I nodded, seeing in my mind's eye how well he was equipped, then I saw Scott. He had taken off his everyday shirt and was reaching for another in his closet. His rippled abs were breathtaking, and I caught myself staring. He caught me too and sidled next to me.

"Does he make you feel like I made you feel?" he asked huskily, his body so close I could see the fine hairs on his otherwise bare chest.

I shook my head. This really wasn't what I came here for. I came here for something else. I wanted to ask him … something.

"You want to feel like that again, don't you?"

Oh God, this was just so unfair. _Yes_, I screamed in my head. _No_, I screamed in echo to the first answer. _I love Soda! I want to be with Soda!_ But his arms, his body, his touch was too tempting. My head nodded, deceiving me. Betraying me, betraying Soda.

"I love him," I managed as he nuzzled my neck.

"And you'll still love him. He's been with other women, they meant nothing to him either. Let me help you," he whispered to me. I felt his chest, his chiseled muscles. I ached. I itched. I screamed to be touched.

He took me to his room and started kissing me. My shirt came off, my bra next. His hands were lifting, pressing and massaging my breasts again. My skirt was gone, I fumbled with his pants. They, too, were gone. I felt him against me and again, I closed my eyes, seeing Sodapop's face over me, saw his body on top of me, felt his pressure as he entered me. It was heaven. It was bliss.

I heard his grunts, but they were muffled with my own. We moved as one, pushing, pulling, each groping the other's body. Then, the climb began, the climb up the mountain. Oh God, that mountain!

"Don't stop...!" I begged.

"Take it, baby. Take it." he answered, his voice gruff, his motion never ending.

He didn't stop, and as I arched my back, the scream from my body was as big as the shock wave ripping through me. I felt him pulsing too, his body and mine clenching and releasing as one, each begging the other not to let go.

Yet, as I lay there catching my breath, watching the stars in my vision shoot around then fade, I remembered my question. He had already gotten up and was toweling himself off. "Be right back, gonna go shower. I can't show up at work smelling like sex."

I, too, had that smell. His scent was all over me. I wondered if he had Soda's – or rather Darry's aftershave. There was none on his dresser. Nor on his nightstand. I went to the bathroom and looked around, but all I saw was his toothpaste, deodorant, shaving cream and assorted other bathroom stuff.

"Whacha looking for?" he asked from behind the shower curtain.

"Aftershave."

"Aftershave? For yourself?"

I chuckled. "No. I was just wondering if you had any."

"Sorry. Don't use it."

"Oh, okay." I went back to the bedroom, getting dressed. Then it hit me, while he was in the shower I could find his condoms, maybe getting the label and asking Soda to get them. I looked again on the nightstand but there wasn't anything. Nor was there anything on the dresser. This, I didn't expect. Maybe he had one in his wallet.. that where Soda kept his. I piked it up and quickly looked, but there wasn't anything there but some cash and a few ID's.

"If you need some money..." he started, catching me in the act and scaring the bejesus out of me.

"No, I uh... I'm sorry. I wasn't snooping. I was just..."

"Sandy, what is it? What are you looking for?"

I blushed, but now I'd rather just be embarrassed than be thought of as a thief. "I wasn't stealing, honest! I was just looking for the type of rubbers you use. I'm sorry, Scott. Really, I wasn't stealing or nothing!"

"Calm down. I never accused you of stealing."

I looked at him, relieved that he wasn't upset.

"Thanks. I'm glad you believe me."

"Aside from gardening tools, I have very little to steal. And speaking of gardening, I have to go or I'll lose this job. I don't think the lady hiring me would understand a mid-day romp in the sack as a good enough reason why I was late. Want a ride back to your house?"

"Yeah, that would be great. But drop me off a block away. I don't want them..."

"I understand," he insisted, waving me off. "It's okay. Let's go."

He drove me almost home, the radio breaking the silence between us. As we neared my street, he pulled over.

"Scott? Before I forget, could you tell me, please?"

"Tell you what?" he asked.

"The type you use? I want to get them, somehow, for me and Soda to use."

He grinned. "Sorry babe. I'm all natural. I find the use of rubbers hinders the feeling. Probably why you and your man ain't in synch with each other. Have him lose the sheath and things just might work out better for you."

"Nothing?" I looked at him stunned. "You … you used_ nothing?_ You didn't tell me!"

"I thought you were on the pill, like just about every other woman around. Sandy, it's no big deal. You wanted to get there, I got you there. Just go to the clinic and get on the pill. No worries. You ain't late or nothing, are you?"

"No," I answered shakily.

"Fine. Get the pill and start taking it. I'm surprised your mother didn't tell you any of this. Look," he said, looking at his watch, "I have to split. If I lose this gig, I'll be short with my rent. Good luck. Come see me later, if you need more 'help.' And Sandy, get the pill!"

I got out of his truck and watched as he drove down the street, turning and leaving my sight. All the way back to my house, I tried to do the math in my head. When was my last period? When did the cramping usually start? Was it the tenth or the fifteenth? Or was it the seventh? I never write this stuff down!

"Sandra, did you...." Mom started as she came out of the living room, papers in hand. "Sandra, honey, are you okay?"

I smiled and nodded. "Yes. Sorry I'm a bit late. Couldn't find what I needed, they were out. Gonna have to go back later."

"Okay. Well, best go get a start on your homework. You know your father will want that done before you go to sleep."

"Yes ma'am." I nodded, heading up the stairs. Nothing, however, was going to get me to even consider my homework that night.

Tomorrow, right after school, I was going to the clinic. Alone.

* * *

Calla Lilly Rose


	11. Chapter 11 Free Clinic

**Sandy's Saga**

Chapter 11

**Free Clinic**

* * *

I was up, nervously poking at my breakfast well before the sun broke the horizon. I doubt I'd slept any. All night long, all I could think of was ..._why_? He should have told me! Why didn't I look? I mean, Soda always took a minute to slide one on, why didn't Scott tell me he wasn't using anything? I thought he was! And how could I _not_ have felt him? I mean, FELT him, felt him!

And that first time... after we'd had sex, he turned his back to me and did … something. I thought he was removing the condom, discarding it in the trash or something before he reached for the towel. I didn't realize he was cleaning _us_ off him, not just_ him_ off him.

Oh God, what have I done? What do I _do_?

"Sandra, time to get ready for school," my Mom's chipper voice called down the hall.

I swallowed, trying to act normal. "I'm in here, Mom."

"Oh, morning sunshine. You're up early." She smiled as she came in the kitchen, wearing her bathrobe with her hair unbrushed. She reached for her coffee pot, making Dad a cup before he went to work.

"I thought I'd go early, find some of the girls and exchange notes for our upcoming exam. That okay?"

She smiled and nodded. "Of course honey. If you need to get to school early, by all means, go. Do you want your father to give you a ride over?"

I shook my head. "No, thanks though. The weather is still good, besides, I might meet up with one of them and get a head start before getting to campus."

"Dress warmly, it's starting to get chilly out there." She glanced out the window at the leaves, already turning colors. "Looks like we're in for an early winter."

"Yes ma'am. I will."

I rushed and packed my school bag, grabbed my purse and filled my pockets with all the dimes I could find. Ten minutes later, I was heading out, walking up the road as if everything was just peachy in my life. In my head, panic and fear had set in.

Two blocks from the school, I found Jane warming up her car.

"Hey Sandy. Hoofing it? I'd have come over to pick you up, ya know. And what was the deal with you yesterday? I nearly got creamed by that guy!"

"Sorry bout that, but I thought I saw somebody I knew. And that guy behind you was being a jerk, so don't sweat him. Look," I said, lowering my voice some. "I'm not going to be there today, so if my parents ask, yes, I went. I went and traded notes for the tests in a few weeks. Got it?"

She looked at me, confused. "Sure Sandy, but I sure don't get you lately. It ain't like you to skip like this, or jump out of moving vehicles for that matter. I think you've been hanging around Sodapop Curtis too long, picking up his bad habits."

"Leave him out of it. He's … he's got nothing to do with this. Just ... just let me use your notes later." I looked at my watch, knowing the downtown bus was coming soon. "I have to go."

"Okay, but... be careful!" she shouted as I headed out. One block over, I saw the bus and had to run to catch it. Breathless, I dropped in my dime and sat down, hoping against hope that things would be alright.

* * *

"I need to see … someone."

The receptionist looked at me over her horn-rimmed glasses, her lips pursed as she studied me, making me feel even lower than before. The place was crowded, even for this early hour. A baby wailed in it's mother's arms while people in dirty clothes sniffed and coughed without having the decency to cover their mouths.

"What are you being seen for?" she asked.

"I uh, I need the pill," I stammered, my voice really low. She reached over and picked up a clipboard and a pen and handed them to me.

"Fill this out, every blank must have an answer. Then bring it back and we'll fit you in."

I looked at the clipboard, the lines numerous, each screaming with requests for identity. I sat and started, putting my first name, Sandra, but after hesitating, changed my last name to something more generic, Smith. As for the rest of the form, I hedged and fudged as much as I could so that this couldn't be traced back to my house, or to me.

The rest of the form was simpler; height, weight, age, allergies... so on and so forth. _Date Of Last_ _Menses._... that stumped me. I had already devoted hours to that very question, and guessed as close to it as I could. All I knew was that it was due anytime. Today, maybe. _Oh please.. start today,_ I begged silently.

I filled everything out and took the form back to the receptionist, who looked it over and nodded. "Have a seat, Ms. Smith. We'll call you soon."

"Soon" was three hours later.

A nurse took me back to a room and handed me a gown. "Take off your clothes, put this on - open to the front; and the doctor will be right in."

"Right in" took another half hour.

The door opened - a man with long side burns wearing a white coat over a yellow checkered shirt and polyester pants came in.

"I'm Dr. Cliverton. What can I do for you today, Ms. Smith?" he asked, looking at me, pen ready to take dictation.

"I uh, I need the pill." I answered.

"I see. Are you sexually active?"

"Yes," I stammered, embarrassed to be saying this to a complete stranger.

"When was your last period?"

Did he even read the form, or was that for the staff's amusement? "About a month ago. I – I sort of don't remember when it started. It's probably going to start today... or," my voice fell, "tomorrow."

"I see. Has your partner been using condoms?"

"Sometimes."

"I see. Are your cycles regular?"

"I guess."

"I see. Why don't you lay back for me, let me feel your abdomen and pelvis. After that, I'll need to feel your breasts."

I lay back, scared as to what he was going to do. He pushed his fingers into my abdomen, trying - it seemed - to go all the way to my backbone; then repeated this a few more times in various other spots both higher and lower on my belly. After that, he opened my gown all the way and started smooshing my breasts. He wasn't gentle and sure gave no warning, but I was too scared to complain. My mind was still begging that nothing new be there that wasn't there two months ago. After that he had me sit up again.

"Well, I don't feel any hardening in your breasts or uterus, but still, I wouldn't recommend starting the pill until you start your first day of menses, just to be sure." He pulled out a pad and wrote something down. "Take this to the pharmacy on the second floor and they will dispense three months worth of birth control pills. Take one every day, at the same time every day, even if you are on your menses. It's very important that you do not forget. If you do, however, stop the pack of pills and do not have sexual intercourse again until the beginning of your next menses, when you will also start the new pack. Any questions?"

"You want me to wait to start?" I asked, confused. How would that help me now?

"Yes. Wait until your menses starts and then start taking them. Are you concerned you might be pregnant now?"

I thought about it. _No. There's no way_. _I _couldn't_ be_. I guess I waited too long.

"Ms. Smith, there are tests that could be done to find out more definitely, the most accurate one would have to be done at the hospital. It's not available here, and there is a charge for it. However, I could do an ultrasound now, see if there's anything there. Would you like that?"

I nodded. "Yes sir." I barely heard my own voice. He got up and called someone, then turned back to me.

"Get your things and follow the nurse outside to another room."

I bundled my stuff and did as he said, being led through the building with my head ducked as low as I could put it. She stopped at another door and let me in. There was a large machine next to a table and she pointed to it.

"You can put your things down on a chair and lie on the table, the doctor will be right back."

Yellow Polyester Doctor Cliversomethingorother followed along and started pushing buttons on the machine. A tiny television turned on and he picked up a wand. "This will be cold, just to warn you." Next he squirted freezing goo all over me, causing my skin to goosebump and my nipples to perk up. As if I couldn't be humiliated worse! Not that he seemed to notice as he ran the wand through the goo and strained his eyes on the tiny screen. He moved here and there, looking and grimacing, saying nothing to me. All I saw was black on the screen. Eventually he turned the machine off and wiped the goo off his wand, handing me a towel for my stomach.

"I don't see anything there, Ms. Smith. Your menses should start soon, so wait until it does before starting the pills. Anything else?"

I felt such relief! I smiled and shook my head. "No sir. Thank you. Thank you so much!"

"You're welcome."

He handed me the paper and left while I dressed. Outside, I found the steps leading to the second floor and got the pills, then left the building which by then was overflowing with even more sick and crying babies; coughing, dirty people, and others who had cuts and scrapes but wouldn't let go of their brown paper-wrapped bottles.

Outside, the sun was shining. Birds were singing. I felt in my pocket, getting some dimes for the bus.

* * *

"Jane! Hey Jane!" I called out. She was getting in her car as I came up, the school day over. "Give me a ride, will ya?" I asked as I climbed in.

"Well, don't you look chipper. Where've you been all day?"

"Can't say. But please don't rat me out, not to anyone!"

She gave me a dirty look. "What kind of friend do you take me for?" She turned the corner and headed down our street. "Was it worth it at least? Skipping the whole day?"

I smiled, relief oozing out every pore. "Yeah, it was."

* * *

Calla Lily Rose


	12. Chapter 12 Red Spots

**Sandy's Saga**

Chapter 12

**Red Spots**

XXX

A week had gone by, and despite what the doctor had said - my period still hadn't come. To say I was worried wouldn't even begin to describe it; that is, until Wednesday morning rolled around.

"Yes!" I cried, overjoyed for once to see the red spots in my underwear. Cloud nine couldn't be any better. Cramps? Bring them on! Backpain? Do your worst! I showered, cleaned myself up and put on my clothes, slipping my girl stuff in my school bag.

"I'm heading out to school!" I called, not bothering to wait for a reply.

The walk was great. Then again, it could have been storming cats and dogs out here and I'd have been like Gene Kelly dancing the whole way to school. Thank God the worry was over.

"What's got you in such a good mood?" Jane asked as we sat outside, waiting on the bell.

"Oh, just enjoying the fall weather," I said happily.

"Well, here's the ladies now. Whassup girls?" Two-Bit cajoled as he and his assorted group of friends meandered our way.

"Exams. I'm _so _going to flunk. Sandy, pass me your answers when you get done in history. Sandy? Sandra, are you even paying attention?"

"Huh?" I looked at them, wondering what part of the conversation I'd missed.

"You drunk, sweets?" Two-Bit asked. I looked at him, annoyed he was using Soda's pet name for me.

"No, I am _not._ Jeeze, can't a girl be in a good mood without you guys thinking something's wrong?"

"Yeah, I can tell you're in a good mood. You're glowing. Might want to lay off the sun for a while. Come on Johnny, let's get to our lockers before the bell. Later guys."

"See ya, Ponyboy." Two-Bit called to the vanishing duo. "Take care, Johnny."

They waved without looking behind them, taking the steps two at a time into the building.

"Wellup, I guess we'd better get along too. Lunch as usual, Steve?"

"Yeah," he answered, looking at me closely. "Your car this time, I'm low on gas. You ladies are welcome to join us."

"Oh, no thanks. I've got my car here too," Jane answered, smugly. It was no secret that while lots of the guys drove their various pieces of souped-up metal to school, Jane was one of a select few ladies that also had a car. She never said so, but I could tell she loved rubbing it in. The bell rang, everyone jumping up.

"Gotta go. Bye guys!" I felt Steve's eyes on me all the way up the steps, wondering what he was looking at.

Classes were dull and boring, the tests complicated, and through it all, I found concentrating hard. I've never been a doodler, but today, it was what I had to resort to just to keep from falling asleep. Once, when I couldn't take it anymore, I excused myself to go to the bathroom. Once behind the confines of the stall, and with my skirt hiked up to pee and change my stuff, I was a little taken aback.

Usually my first day was … well, heavier than _this_. Still, it was something – and that was better than nothing. I changed it, cleaned up and went back to class.

Lunch was disgusting. Hot dogs and hamburgers again. I went for the hamburger and had to force myself to get it down. Not even two teaspoons of ketchup made that taste any better, and usually ketchup was my ace in the hole. I ate most of it before calling it quits, heading outside into the cool sunshine to take a breather.

It didn't help.

I heard the familiar grind of Two-Bit's car as I sat on a bench. Obviously he had no brakes left, but was still thinking he could go another week on what steel and rubber remained. He and Steve got out and came over, pushing and shoving each other like children.

"You still haven't got those brakes fixed yet, have you?" I asked.

"Nup. Steve said he'd take a look at them, but ain't got around to it."

"I ain't _got_ to look at them, cause there ain't nothing_ there_. You've worn them right off the rotors. Besides, I never said _when_ I'd do it, grease-ball. And if you'd part with some cash, it might help your cause." Steve argued back.

I began to lose interest, feeling like that hamburger just wasn't settled.

"Aww, you can't fix it by next week?"

"I told you, there ain't nothing to fix! You're gonna need new brakes, and I can't do that for free. Tow that worthless piece of scrap to the DX and leave it for me.. cash in advance, and I'll hook you up."

"Excuse me," I said, jumping off the bench and heading straight for the closest ladies room. Once inside, the hamburger came back with a vengeance. Those who were there when I ran in left as I heaved my guts up. When I was done, I shakily wiped my mouth, rinsed with tap water and cleaned up as best as I could. I was surprised to see Steve and Two-Bit hanging outside the door, looking at me with concern when I came out.

"You okay, Sandy?" Two-Bit asked. I remembered he has a sister, and between him and Steve, he was more apt to show concern.

I nodded. "Yeah. Probably a good thing you guys avoided lunch here. The hamburgers were nasty."

"You want anything?" Steve asked, his stare unnerving me.

I shook my head. "No thanks. I'd better get to class. See you guys later."

* * *

I held the packet of pills in my hand. He'd told me the first day I could start it, but something still didn't seem right. I'd changed my stuff again, but really there hadn't been a need to. The bleeding was minimal.. just a spot or two. I'd had slow periods before where it was just like this... a spot or two either with or without cramping. Usually when that happened, I'd wake with blood everywhere. I didn't know what to do. Yes, I was bleeding finally, but.. something just seemed _wrong_.

"Sandy, Sodapop's here."

Dad was calling me down. I hid the pack of pills and headed downstairs.

"Hey sweets. You ready for dancing?"

I nodded, my thoughts elsewhere. He held my sweater out for me and I put it on.

"I'll have her home right after the dance," he said. My father smiled and together we headed out.

"You okay?" he asked as he pulled the truck onto the road.

I glanced at him. "Yeah, why?"

"Steve said you weren't feeling good at school, said you'd gotten sick or something. And even now, your color is off. You ain't coming down with the flu are you?"

I grinned and shook my head. "No. Not the flu. This uh, this just isn't a good week for me."

He smiled and squeezed my hand, understanding that code. "That's alright. We can sit out and just enjoy the music. Watch everyone else trip over their own feet for a change. Hungry?"

I thought about it. "I could go for a plate of spaghetti right now."

He nodded. "That sounds perfect."

"Didn't you eat already?"

"Well, I tried. Ponyboy cooked. I think he was going for lasagna, but it didn't exactly turn out that way. Even Darry gave up and had a bowl of cereal."

"Wow, that's pretty bad."

"He and Johnny are still picking at it. Johnny said they should send it to Dally up at the detention center. He's still got a few more weeks left before he gets out and would probably think Pony's meal was fit for a king. Me... I think I'd rather have spaghetti with the prettiest gal in town."

We ate, drove around, and eventually ended up at the dance where – true to his word, we sat out and watched other couples having fun. It was still nice, he held my hand and rubbed his thumb over my knuckles, the feeling sensual.

Toward the end of the night, he led me to the dance floor where a slow song was on. He held me close in his arms, leading me in smooth circles around the floor.

"I could stay here in your arms forever," he murmured in my ear.

"Not if my father has anything to do with it," I murmured back. He stopped and started chuckling, his eyes bright with realization.

"Yeah, you're right. I'd better get you home."

During the ride home, the radio was playing Elvis's _Good Luck Charm_ when he turned the sound down.

"Say, there's a game this weekend. Care to join me?"

I looked at him, smiling. "You bet."

"I think Steve's wanting to double with Evie... that okay?"

I nodded. "Sure. Can't wait."

He grinned, pulled into my driveway and helped me out.

"Since you're .. uh, well - not feeling well this week, I'll let you call the shots. If you want to go out and do anything, give me a call. Okay?"

I nodded, giving him a kiss. "Thanks, Sodapop."

I went inside and nodded at my parents, sitting on the couch together watching television.

"Did you have a good night, Sandy?" Mom asked.

"Yeah, he took me to dinner and then dancing. I'm worn out. Night."

"Good night honey."

Upstairs, I fingered the pack of pills, expecting to be starting them tomorrow.

XXX

Calla Lily Rose


	13. Chapter 13 Denial

**Sandy's Saga**

Chapter 13

**Denial**

* * *

I knew. I just knew. Didn't have to look, I could feel the dryness down there. A tear fell over my face as I lay there, wondering … _why_? The doctor had said he didn't see anything, so where was the bloody mess I'd come to hate every month since I was nearly thirteen years old? I'd always hated that week; the mess, the smell, the constant ache in my back and the cramping in my gut. I'd hated Eve for starting all this... her and that damned apple. The rules were simple: eat everything else, leave His apples alone. But nooooo. She had to be a defiant little bitch and eat the one thing the creator of the universe had said not to. And now, I might be....

"Sandra, time to get up for school."

"I'm coming," I called back. I wiped my eyes and got up. Uhhhh. I held the bedpost as the room spun, fighting the wave of nausea that suddenly hit. I closed my eyes, forcing it away. It passed, I stood and headed down to eat.

"You okay honey? You look a little peaked."

I nodded. "Yes ma'am. Just couldn't sleep last night."

"Well, eat your breakfast and take a shower, can't have you collapsing at school."

I nodded as I scooped up some Cheerios. They tasted bland, like cardboard. Disgusting. I ate what I could and went to get ready for school.

* * *

"Damn Sandy, you look terrible."

I smiled sarcastically at Jane. "Gee, you really know how to make a girl feel good."

"Ouch! What happened to the ray of sunshine from yesterday?"

"Cloud bank," I muttered.

I didn't bother hanging around. I wanted to get my books and go to class, just so I could sit and not move for an hour. My head hurt and the waves of nausea were coming like the tide. I managed to keep some semblance of normal, taking notes and handing in assignments; but my every thought was... _why_? _W__hy me_?

And I knew why. Scott was why. I decided I had to go see him. He got me in this mess, he'd have to get me out.

That afternoon before the last bell rang, I left campus and got on the downtown bus. I wasn't sure if he'd be at his apartment or at the college, but I took a chance on his place first. I was lucky, his truck was parked in his usual spot.

It took a moment after I knocked, but he finally answered the door. He was dressed in a short sleeved pull-over - three buttons at the neck with only two buttoned; a few strands of chest hair visible in the gap, and a pair of well-fitting jeans. His muscled arms held the door open for me.

"Sandy, hey! Come in. What can I do for you?"

"We need to talk," I said as I entered. He shut the door and looked at me.

"Sure. What about?"

"Scott... I think I might be... pregnant."

He just looked at me, then cocked his head. "And what does your boyfriend think of this?"

"It's not his... you know that."

He slowly shook his head. "No, I_ don't_ know that. You told me you weren't pregnant when I last saw you. Now you think you might be? Nice turn of events, huh?"

"There's nothing _nice _about this at all. It's yours. I need your help."

He sat down at his kitchen counter and folded his hands in front of him. "And how many guys did you go to before you came knocking on my door?"

What? "Scott, what are you talking about. You know you have been the only guy I was with...."

"Except for Sodapop.. and whoever else you've been seeing behind his back. Me personally, I don't care how many guys you sleep with, but don't come here expecting me to do something about your problem."

"I haven't_ been _with anyone else besides you and Sodapop.. and you're the one that didn't wear a condom! It's your baby, Scott! What are we going to do?"

"Sandy, there's no 'we' here. It's _you_, and _your_ problem. Besides, you said you_ might _be pregnant. You don't even know for sure."

"I'm late, like a week or two – maybe more. I've been nauseous, I've thrown up, and I'm achy. What other reason is there?"

"Well, according to the textbooks, you could be stressed, you could have the flu, you could..."

"I'm_ pregnant_, Scott. Get it? Pregnant? With your baby." I was furious. Furious and scared. Furious that he was going to stand here and deny it right to my face, scared about what I was going to do about it.

"You might be pregnant, but it isn't mine. I'm not the father, and I'm not going to be roped into being one either. Go tell your boyfriend you need some money, I'm sure he'll know of some places you can go to have this problem erased. As for me, I barely have enough to make rent, so I haven't got any extra for you to borrow. Sorry Sandy, but there's nothing I can do for you." He got off his stool and opened the door, waiting for me to leave.

I looked at him through bubbling tears. "It's yours, Scott. How can you do this?"

"It ain't. You've been with that man of yours longer than our two times. He's the daddy. Go tell him all about this." He grabbed his jacket off a chair. "I have to head out, so maybe I'll see you around. Good-bye Sandy."

That wasn't a good-bye as if we'd see each other later. That was a good-bye telling me to leave and not come back. I stepped outside his apartment, stunned at what had happened. I knew we weren't in love, I didn't really expect any type of relationship with him … but I thought he'd step up and help me with this, since it _was _his baby!

Oh God, a _baby!_ I looked down and hugged my still-flat stomach. There was a baby in me. The father was Scott – a man who'd denied the whole problem. And Sodapop... what was I going to say to him? I'd have to tell him something, I was sure he'd notice as my belly swelled to huge proportions. I walked back to the bus stop, dazed at what was happening. What was I going to do? Tears fell. People looked at me but I ignored them. I paid my dime and headed back home.

* * *

"Sandy, honey, you're very late coming home from school. I was beginning to worry. Everything okay?"

I'd rushed in, heading straight for the bathroom to number one - fight off the wave of nausea that suddenly hit, and number two - to wash the tears from my face. My reflection in the mirror was a disaster. I was pale, eyes pink, and my hair a flat mess. I did what I could, forced a smile and came out.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Sorry, I thought I'd left you a note. I went downtown, looking at fall clothes."

"Don't you have homework?"

"Yes ma'am, a little."

"You know you are to do your homework first before you go traipsing off all over town. Now, you go up and get that homework done. Your father will be home soon."

I nodded. "Yes ma'am."

Upstairs, I changed clothes, dragged my school bag over and started on my assignments. After that, I went to bed, unsure what else there was to do.

* * *

Dawn. Another morning and nothing. No bleeding, no period. I wasn't expecting it anymore, anyway. I'd_ hoped_, sure; but I wasn't expecting it. I think by now, if I _had_ started, that would've shocked me more than missing it. I dressed, numbed at what was happening to me. Somehow, I had to get through this. I didn't know how, but_ somehow_ I had to.

All night, tears had slid down my face. I was going to have to tell my parents eventually, but I wasn't sure when, or how, to do this. I already imagined their faces; the rage, the humiliation, the shame. I knew it was coming. Maybe Dad would know of a place I could go.. to erase this, as Scott put it.

Or maybe, I could ask Jane if she knew of a place.. since she seemed to know all about the seedier side of Tulsa. It would take money - more than I had, maybe more than Jane's and me combined. I didn't know. I didn't want to think about it. I had to, though. This wasn't going away on its own.

I thought of Sodapop and what he would say. Maybe I could trick him, tell him it was his and never bring up Scott. I hated to think of doing that, since I knew he and Darry were already working themselves to the bone just to make ends meet and keep their youngest brother out of State care. If I did this to him, force a baby on him that I knew wasn't his, I knew Darry would lose guardianship of _both_ his brothers, since he was technically Sodapop's guardian too. And Soda was only sixteen, a dropout, no less. What could he do anyway?

But damn it, what was _I _going to do? I had no money, no means to get money, and the father refused to help. Once I'd told anyone... well, anyone other than Scott, I'd lose the little I had. I would lose my parent's trust and faith in me, becoming their embarrassment; I'd lose my friends, and I'd lose Sodapop.

So, I watched the clouds roll by against the moonlight, from dark to light until it was time to get up again.

I left before either of my parents were up, leaving a note telling them that I was going early. I didn't want to see them, knowing I was still a mess despite a shower and extra time with my makeup.

At school, I saw Jane sitting at our usual picnic table but didn't go to join her. In the one class we shared, I had no choice but to see her. I tried to smile, but it was obvious I was off my norm.

"What is going _on _with you, Sandy? I mean, all day long it's like you've been avoiding me!"

"Sorry, just really busy with stuff. So what's going on? What did I miss?"

She looked at me as if I were dense. "_You_ are what's going on. I just can't figure you out."

"Ms. Jane, Ms. Sandra... mouths shut, eyes forward please. Okay class, turn to page..."

I shrugged an apologetic look to her and went on about my studies. When the bell rang, I didn't wait and ran out again.

After school, I took the main road, hoping to avoid everyone. Unfortunately, I ran right into someone I really didn't want to see.

"Hey there, baby. Looking rather rough there since I last saw you. How ya been?"

I groaned. "Hey Dallas. I heard you were in lock-up. What, you escape or something? Maybe I can get a reward for turning you in."

He grinned his typical cheesy grin. "Nah, no reward this time. Got out fair and square yesterday. I'm a good boy when they're looking, but I'm bad when they ain't. So," he stretched and looked around, his bad boy act tapering off, "what's been happening around here since I last saw you?"

"Nothing much. Same mess, different day. What about you? Any new shoplifting schemes thought of, or how about upping the ante to armed robbery for a change? You know, add some variety to your repertoire."

His eyes narrowed as his lips went into a line. "You're in rare form. You and Sodapop break up or something?"

_Not yet,_ I thought. _Give it a few more days._ "Not that it's any of your business, but no. And if you'll excuse me, I have a date with Soda that I need to get ready for."

"Yeah, he mentioned you and him were squaring off with Steve and Evie for some football game. Like either of those greasy boys are really going there with their women to watch a _game_," he said laughing a bit.

My eyes narrowed. "And how bout you? Ain't you and Sylvia still an item?" I already knew from Miranda that Sylvia was seeing at least two other guys while Dallas was locked up. Of course, it hit me after I'd said it that I'd also gone behind Soda's back. It was like a brick hitting me to realize I was no better than the tramps he went with.

His eyes also narrowed, reading me. "You've gotten mouthier since I last saw you. Don't like it, it ain't you," he said, then stepped back and grinned again. "But then again, you ain't my problem. I'll let you go so you can sharpen your nails. Say hello to the boys for me."

And off he went down the street, swaggering like the tough hood I know him to be. I also headed home, hoping Soda wouldn't see the truth in my eyes.

* * *

Calla Lily Rose


	14. Chapter 14 Merry Go Round

**Sandy's Saga**

Chapter 14

**Merry Go Round**

XXX

"You okay?" Soda whispered as we sat in the backseat of Steve's car.

I grinned halfheartedly and nodded. "Yeah, just a lot on my mind. You know, mid-terms are coming up and all."

Soda had pulled me close to him in the backseat with Evie and Steve in the front. We'd already stopped for burgers and shakes, most of my food untouched as my appetite was unsteady. Nausea hit me unsuspectingly at times, other times I was ravenous. I didn't want to chance anything. Soda, thankfully, didn't mention it while Steve slipped uncertain glances my way while also saying nothing. I was only too happy when they tossed away their wrappers and headed back to the car.

Evie and Steve were in the front, Evie in the middle seat as Steve had pulled her close. They were yammering on about whatever, laughing every now and then about something the other had said. I paid them no attention, my mind constantly in worry mode, my thoughts scattered.

"It's been a rotten week for me too," he mumbled, his fingers trailing around my hand which he held. I looked at him - his eyes wistful, thinking about something. "Got behind at work, making the boss mad at me some. Then I got another ticket for speeding when I went to the store two days ago. Darry wasn't too pleased – chewed me out for it big time. He's about at his limit for me and my lead foot. Anyway, the worst part was missing you. You all okay now?"

Funny, if only I'd had his problems. I knew what he was asking; if my period that I thought I was on was over. "I'm still …" I mumbled, not sure what to say. He smiled and nodded as if he understood, but he had no clue. I wasn't sure how to tell him, or when. I kept hoping something would happen to make all this go away, make it better.

Steve parked and let us all out, the four of us heading to the ticket booth to buy our tickets. Once in, Evie and I went to sit in our usual spots while the guys went off to get drinks.

"So what's going on with you?" Evie asked, flipping her collar up.

"What do you mean?"

"You didn't eat and you just seem off. Usually you're all, you know, yappity yap."

"It's nothing. Just some stuff on my mind is all. I ain't trying to spoil the evening or nothing."

"Girl, you ain't spoiling my evening, no matter how sad-sacked you get. But cheer up, for Soda's sake."

I nodded. The guys came back, Cokes in hand with some popcorn too. For a while, we sat and watched the two teams trade passes, run down the sidelines, and pummel each other in tackles. Usually I'm a little more enthused; tonight, I couldn't care less who won.

Two hours later, with our team losing by a field goal, we all headed back to the car to leave.

"If Don had just tried for the extra yardage, we'd have won," Soda was saying to Steve, whacking him on the arm for emphasis.

"What do you mean 'we'? You don't even go here anymore, putz."

"And yet, I still care. Ironic, huh? How's that for school spirit?"

"'School spirit' my ass. You and Two-Bit had a bet, now you're gonna have to pay up."

"Who told?"

Steve smiled and chopped Soda good on the chest. He feigned pain, hunched over some but smiled, holding the door open for me. A little later, he dropped Soda and me off at Soda's house and drove off with Evie.

"Where's your family tonight?" I asked, noticing the silence.

"Darry's working late and Pony's off with buddies to the movies. He'll be back at midnight, knowing him. We've got the place to ourselves."

He sat next to me on the couch, his hand rubbing my shoulders.

"Jeeze, you're tense. What's wrong, Sweets?"

"Tired I guess."

He pulled me to his chest, running his fingers through my hair. "Don't be so worried about those midterms. They're just tests, and usually multiple choice. You should do fine." He kissed my forehead.

"If they were so easy, you should have done better." I answered with a hint of disdain.

He sighed. "Yeah, you're right. But for me they weren't easy. Not like they are for you. Shoot, I'm just not cut out for school work." His fingers rubbed small circles on the back of my neck. "But you'll do fine. I know it." His thumb hooked under my chin and lifted it, kissing me softly on the lips. His kiss was passionate and I kissed him back, the torrent of emotion in me welling up into tears.

"Shhh, baby. It's okay. Really, it will be. Come on," he pulled me to my feet and led me down the hallway to his room. We lay on his bed, his kisses soft and delicate, as if trying to kiss rose petals without causing the stem to move. I let him, knowing nothing he did now would change my situation.

With expert hands, he had my blouse opened; his fingers fumbling for the clasp at my back. It gave way and was off, his hands roaming my breasts, teasing my nipples while cupping them. They were sore but I said nothing. His hands were cool and felt nice against my tender skin.

"Mmmh, you feel so good," he murmured. He sat up and took off his jeans, his erection visible through his briefs.

"Soda, wait..." I whispered, my fingers trailing the line of hair going to his navel. "Can't we just … lay here …. for a while?"

He looked at me, cocking his head in confusion. "Sure, anything you want." He lay back down on his side right next to me, leaning on his elbow. His other hand played with my nipples again. I let him, the sensation being the only good thing I've felt in so long. It was like I'd forgotten what it was to be happy. He leaned over, kissing me again.

His kisses were soft at first, building gradually to a hunger. I was hungry too, wanting the kisses to become more. And he was willing to go further, rolling on top of me while gradually pulling my skirt up so that my underwear and his were the only thing separating our bodies - except, of course, for the band of material that was my skirt. My body and my mind were working on two separate wavelengths. My legs had already moved to cradle him while my mind kept pushing him away.

"Soda... wait," I murmured again, kissing and running my hands over his toned backside.

"I'll help," he intoned, his thumbs hooking my panties and pulling them down some.

"No, that's not... uhhh, that's not what I meant," I tried again, reaching to pull my panties back up.

"What is it then?" he asked, freezing in mid-motion. His erection bobbed with his pulse, still confined to his briefs.

"I'm just.. sore.. is all." I tried, frowning.

His expression softened. "I know you're sore. I mean, I don't pretend to know what it's_ like_... being on the rag and all, but I understand. I'll be gentle, I promise. Besides, I think it's over anyway... you're not wearing anything, the bleeding must be stopped.

I hated that term._ Rag!_ So disgusting. Before I could say much more, he was kissing me again, my body reacting to his touch. He managed to get my underwear off and was feeling me, his fingers probing me.

"You're thick... and wet...." he mumbled, his eyes closed. He sat up and pulled his underwear off, my eyes drifted to his erection while my mind processed his words.

"What do you mean by 'thick'?" I asked as he reached over for something in his nightstand.

He shrugged a bit, pulling a condom out of the wrapper. "Just, you've not been this thick before. Must be something to do with your period, I guess."

He leaned over to kiss me, his body pressing onto mine. I felt him, pushing into me but the sensation was more painful than pleasant.

"Stop, Sodapop... please...."

He pulled away, looking at me. "What is it, Sweets?"

"That.... hurts." I muttered, confused.

"It does? Why?" He leaned over me, looking concerned but tried nothing more.

I shook my head. I didn't want to think of the most obvious answer.

"Can you just stop for now? I don't want to do this … not while it hurts."

"Sure Sandy. It's okay, I understand." He rolled next to me, pulled the condom off and wrapped it in some scrap paper on the nearby desk, then tossed it in the trash. I covered my face with my hands, ashamed. I knew he didn't understand, and was fully aware he would probably never make love to me again.

And _that _was definitely not okay.

The room was silent for a moment, I could feel his eyes watching me. "You want to go for a walk?" he asked in the still silence. "Maybe watch some television?"

"A walk." I answered.

We dressed, the atmosphere palpable. He held my hand as we walked down the street, waiting for me to be the first to break the silence. It took a while.

"Sodapop," I started without looking at him, "what do you see yourself doing in five years?"

"I dunno. Working... that's for sure. Maybe at the DX, maybe somewhere better; making a little more money. Ponyboy should be out of school by then, in college with any luck."

"That's_ great_... for Ponyboy and all, but I meant for you. What are _your _ambitions? Don't you have any desire to go back to school? Get an education?" We were near the park, the place quiet. It was the perfect place for us to talk.

"We've been over this before, you know I ain't cut out for school. Book learning just never seems to make it through my thick skull. I'm a hands-on kind of guy, real good with motors and engines. I like that stuff, Sandy. I really do. It's like a puzzle, making all those pieces fit together to make a car work. I live for it. Don't you have anything that excites you like that?"

He looked at me, his face beaming with contained excitement. I shook my head, leaning into him. "No, I guess I don't."

He kissed my hair. "Don't worry, you will."

I sat on the merry-go-round and he gave it a push, the ride going around in slow circles. I smiled, wishing time could go backwards as I knew these moments wouldn't last.

"Where do_ you _see _your_self?" he tossed the question back at me. "You know... in five years?"

I thought about it, my future bleak and my plans all but destroyed. "I don't know. I'd thought about school, college.... you know. Futures people on this side of town dream of, but rarely get to experience. Sort of like your brother, Darry. He had plans for college, didn't he?" Soda nodded, pushing the ground with one foot to keep the merry-go-round spinning. "And then - something happened and now, he'll probably never go."

"He'll go. One day." Soda said, conviction in his tone.

"Maybe, but that day is a long way off. One thing sort of leads to another, and before you know it, your whole life is so far off track, nothing will bring you back. You just.. have to start over. Learn to accept what you've been given, even if it isn't anything close to what you want."

"Maybe, but he'll go. I'm sure of it. Him and Ponyboy both." Soda smiled. He didn't seem to understand that I wasn't talking about Darry, or for that matter, Ponyboy. I was talking about me, about us. I stared out, the trees spinning slowly, the swings, then the slides, then the fountain, then the benches, then the trees again, and the swings.... my stomach lurched and I bolted off the merry-go-round, hurling behind a nearby tree while holding the rough bark as the motion was dizzying.

"Sandy? Sweets, you okay?" he asked as he came over, holding my hair out of my face.

I nodded. "Guess that was just one turn too many on the merry-go-round. That thing ain't so merry when you're not expecting it." I smiled weakly, trying to reassure him I wasn't going to spontaneously combust.

"You okay now?" he asked again.

I nodded again, more convincingly. He looked at me closely. "I'd better walk you on home. Darry won't be back for another hour or so, I don't want you catching pneumonia or nothing in this weather."

It was chilly as we left, and all I'd had was my sweater. He put his jacket over me, giving me added warmth as we headed out from the park. He took my hand and together we crossed the few blocks to my house, arriving there sooner than I'd liked.

"Night, Sandy. I'll see you again tomorrow. Maybe we can go out and do something fun."

I smiled, hoping that were true. "Maybe. Night Sodapop."

"I love you," he said as I went inside. I bit my lip, not saying it back.

Upstairs a few minutes later, changed and readied for bed, I knew I would have to break up with him. As much as I loved him, I knew he would hate me for what I had done. I already hated myself and had since the realization of what was happening sank in. Still, knowing he would soon join the ranks of those who despised me hurt worse. I never meant for this to happen.

My thoughts to betray him with a lie – to tell him it was his – was out of the question. Not only because I knew it wasn't his, but because he had no future. He had ideas, but he lived one day at a time, paycheck to paycheck, thinking nothing of it. I had watched their pantry get barer and barer as stretches of days passed, their buddies slipping in canned goods from their own pantries when they could spare it. Even now with the cool evenings bringing warnings of an approaching bitter cold winter, their thermostat stayed down, trying to keep the utility bill from skyrocketing. Their fireplace became the main source of heat; Darry's construction job being a source of free scrap firewood to burn.

Darry and Soda usually waited silently for their paydays to arrive, only to have it all be spent before the week was over. Utilities, gas, food; it all added up to more than either of them had most of the time. While neither of them complained – who would they complain to? - there was also no plan to change their situation. They simply kept most of their woes from their youngest brother, shopped for deals and specials, and did the best they could - one day at a time.

I didn't want to live like that. I didn't want to burden an already overburdened household, even if Soda believed a lie that it was his. Beyond that, I wasn't sure_ legally_ if he and I could be together. He was still under Darry's custody, and I was sure Social Services would frown on this whole situation. Darry would lose both his brothers, a punishment they didn't deserve especially since this wasn't Soda's fault.

I didn't know what was going to happen, but I knew I didn't want to ruin their lives anymore than I could help it. I was going to have to tell him. First though, I had to tell my parents.

XXX

Calla Lily Rose


	15. Chapter 15 Dr Brenner

**Sandy's Saga**

Chapter 15

**Dr. Brenner**

* * *

Worry had set in. The man in the moon lit up my room, glaring at me, scolding me almost; as if he could make me feel lower than I already did. I looked away, but every now and then I looked back only to see him still there - staring, taunting. As I stared back, I realized who else had that same look – Steve Randle. It was as if he knew. Did he? If _he_ did, how many others?

My head pounded with fear and frustration as my eyes played tricks. Even my ears weren't reliable. The moonlight danced around the room, mixed momentarily with blues and reds; a passing car perhaps. Before they registered on my already worn out brain, they were gone. An afterthought not even worth thinking about with everything else going on in my life.

The wind was blowing as well, whistling as it streamed through the trees - almost like a far away siren. Just as soon as I'd heard it, it too had faded into the breeze. Typical on this side of town, as someone was always doing something to get into trouble. I laughed weakly, wondering if Dallas had been busted again for some crime I was sure he'd committed. I closed my eyes knowing that dwelling on my growing mistake wasn't going to solve anything.

Morning did little to calm my nerves, in fact ... things only got worse. The room spun around as I crawled out of bed, nausea following unsuspectingly when I managed to bet my balance. I closed my eyes and held onto my bed frame, breathing slowly in and out until the feeling passed.

"Sandra, breakfast!" Mom called from downstairs, her voice chipper. She loves Saturdays, bridge days with her lady friends from across town. I didn't understand the game nor had any interest, it only meant I got a few hours to myself. Her friends didn't come here, their noses usually up in the air when they saw where our home was. She always went there.

"Coming Mom."

I made it to the kitchen where she'd made scrambled eggs and sausage, juice on the side. Ordinarily delicious, today it looked... revolting.

"Come on, Sandra, rise and shine. Time for a new day."

I sat and scooped some eggs on my plate, then covered it with ketchup, hoping the tangy tomato taste would cover the egg. I swallowed some, the smooshy goo going down. One bite, then another... then....

"Sandra.. honey, are you okay?" She asked as I dived for the trash can, bringing it back up. I trembled, the dry heaves doing me in just as badly as the actual vomiting. I shook my head.

"Just a stomach thing. A few others....." another wave of vomiting hit. I squeezed my eyes shut tight, wishing this wasn't happening, begging silently for this to pass.

"Here honey." Mom pressed a cool washcloth to my forehead and gently brushed my hair back with her fingers. "I didn't know you weren't feeling well. How long has your stomach been upset?"

"Just …. started," I answered. "Some of the other...." Wait - breathe in and out, in and out .... let it pass... "kids at school are sick too. Must be going around."

"Well, off to bed. I'll bring you up something in a little bit, once your stomach has settled. No going out today."

I nodded, getting to my feet and heading back to the stairs. My bed felt so good once I crawled back in it. The sheets were cool, comforting. I wanted to go to sleep.

* * *

"Sandra, honey, wake up."

I opened my eyes, Mom hovering over me. I wasn't sure how long I'd been out but she looked concerned.

"Sodapop's on the phone. I wouldn't have woken you, but it seems there's an emergency. He's desperate to talk to you. Think you can manage it?"

I nodded. "Sure. He say what was wrong?"

"No, only asked me if I'd seen his little brother. I didn't want to tell him I barely remember what the child looks like, and probably wouldn't recognize him if he were right in front of me."

I took the phone. "Soda?"

"Sandy... I'm sorry... your mom told me you weren't feeling good. I just …. look, have you seen Ponyboy?"

"Ponyboy? No, why would I see Ponyboy?"

"It's a mess. He and Darry got into it last night; real bad. Worse than ever. He ran off … I'm worried. He ain't never done nothing like this before. Look, if you see him, call the house. Someone will be here. Darry's already out looking with Tim, I'm heading out too as soon as I get off the phone with you. It's a long shot, but I want to check some places he might be. If we don't find him soon, Darry's gonna have to call the police. Will you do that for me? Please? Call the house if you find him?"

"Sure, Sodapop. I'll keep my eyes open for him. Good luck."

As I turned to hang the phone up, my stomach turned again and I made a bee line for the toilet. Mom was right there, her hands gentle on my face. It was only dry heaves, my stomach had nothing left to give.

"Goodness, honey. I haven't seen you this sick in a long time."

"It's nothing," I shook away the feeling. "I'll be fine. I just need some rest." I went back to my room with Mom following. She tucked me in bed, laying the cool washcloth on my forehead again.

"What was all that about Sodapop's little brother?"

"Ponyboy, Mom. He's missing. Sodapop said his brothers were arguing and Ponyboy took off. It's not like him to do that; Soda wanted to know if I'd seen him. I'll go out later, when my stomach feels better. Knowing Ponyboy, he's probably at a library somewhere. They'll find him."

"I'm not so sure you should be out if you're not feeling well. Maybe I'd better go call...."

"No, Mom!" I said, reaching for her hands, hoping to keep her from calling the doctor. "It's just an upset stomach. Really, nothing more. If you want me to stay in bed, I'll stay. No sweat."

She gave me an uncertain look and got up. "You just rest. I'm sure those boys can find their brother on their own."

I nodded, knowing I had no choice if I wanted to keep Mom off my case. She left and I curled up in bed, wondering how long this "stomach illness" was going to go last.

An hour later, my luck ran out.

"Sandra," Mom shook her head as I came out of the bathroom again. "Go get your shoes on. I already called Dr. Brenner, he'll be happy to see you. Mrs. Adams down the street already agreed to let me borrow her car."

Instant fear. "Mom, really... I don't need to go!"

"Nonsense, I can't have you sick without knowing what you're sick from. Now I know you're scared of shots... but maybe he can fix this upset stomach with something else."

"Please.. I won't be sick anymore..."

"Sandra, I'm tired of this. Now go on and get your shoes and coat and let's go." Her tone was set. I had no choice. She shuttled me to the doctors office without another word.

"Problem?" the receptionist asked in Dr. Brenner's clinic.

"Vomiting," Mom answered. I was too scared to say a word. We sat in the waiting room for a while then was called back to an exam room for another long boring span of time. A nurse came and got my vitals, and finally Dr. Brenner came in.

"Afternoon, Helen. So, Sandra, not feeling well?"

"She's thrown up several times today... it's not like her. She said there was something going around at school. If it's catchy, I want her treated for it."

"Hmm, well, I haven't heard of anything going around. Let's just start with the basics. Sandra, I'm going to have the nurse draw some blood, and then I'm going to need a urine sample."

"Blood? Urine? Can't you just..."

"Sandra! Enough. Do as Dr. Brenner says." Mom's stern eyes bore through me. I nodded. The specimens were collected and sent to his lab while we were left in the small exam room. The clock ticked off the seconds, each tick sounding like a time bomb. An hour later – give or take – he walked in. His eyes told me, he already knew.

"Well, I have the results in. Helen, your daughter isn't sick.. at least not contagiously ill. I'm afraid she's having morning sickness."

Mom looked at him, unblinking; her body frozen. "That can't be! Sandra isn't pregnant."

His eyes looked at me but I turned my head. Mom's disbelief was turning to anger.

"That's not_ possible_! Sandra..."

I felt her turn towards me, wanting an explanation, maybe expecting me to deny it too.

"Sandra! _Tell him_!" she demanded, rage breaking through in her voice.

"I'm sorry, Mom." I whispered. Tears welled up and started to fall. Dr. Brenner's voice was soft.

"She's about a month along, maybe a little more. Morning sickness usually hits in the morning, but each woman is different...."

"Stop!" Mom held her hand out like she was directing traffic. Dr. Brenner was quiet at once. "How? How could you do this?" She asked me, her voice shaking with fury.

"It was an accident," I said, my voice shaking. I had my arms wrapped around myself, hunched over on the exam table, terrified.

"You were... forced??" She asked. Her face contorted. I couldn't answer in words, simply shook my head – no.

There was no place to hide, no arms to hold me. Mom's disgust was clear. She looked at me, her expression already changed from horror to repugnance.

"Dr. Brenner, would you be so kind as to send the bill to my home. I'd like to leave now."

"Certainly Helen. I can do that. Before you both go, Sandra," he said, turning back to me. I was shivering as if cold, my arms still wrapped around myself tight. "I want you to drink sips of water or juice until the morning sickness passes. You're a little dehydrated from all the vomiting, that's to be expected. Drink small amounts frequently and don't forget to eat healthy; stay away from sweets. Rest for now, while your body is getting used to this but remember to get some exercise when you can. Any questions?"

I shook my head, my voice lost.

"Get your coat, Sandra. We're leaving." Mom's voice was flat. On the way out, it was as if every person in the place was watching us. As if everyone _knew._ She didn't speak for a while, getting Mrs. Adams's car on the road home.

"How could you?" she asked. "After everything your father and I have done for you, this is how you repay us?_ Ruining _yourself - the minute we give you any freedom?"

"I'm sorry...."

"Like that's going to fix this? Did you think at all, or did you just lie down and …." she winced, not finishing her words. "I thought I'd raised you right. I thought.... I thought you wouldn't become like the rest of the trash that lives out here."

She said nothing more to me, the rest of the ride home spent with silent tears dripping from my eyes. She let me out at the house with instructions to go to my room while she took the car back to the neighbors. A while later I heard the door open and the obvious one-sided phone conversation.

"Ted, I need you to come home." … "No, she's... look, I just need you to come home. Now."

There was a moment of silence as she listened to something Dad was saying, but then she hung up the phone and walked to the kitchen. Dad was on his way, I was sure about that. And if Mom was furious, Dad would blow the roof.

* * *

Calla Lily Rose


	16. Chapter 16 The Scoop

**Sandy's Saga**

Chapter 16

**The Scoop**

* * *

"Helen, what's going on? Is Sandra okay?"

"Sandra, come down here," Mom called. My stomach was jumpy, nervous, and this time it had nothing to do with the pregnancy. I went to the kitchen where Mom was standing with her arms crossed over her chest, looking at the coffee pot next to me. Since leaving Dr. Brenner's office, she hadn't looked at me once.

Dad, however, was bouncing his eyes between the two of us.

"Tell him," she said.

"Mom?" I pleaded, not wanting to do this. I knew I wasn't Daddies Little Girl anymore, but I didn't want to be the one to hammer that last nail in my own coffin either.

"Tell your father, Sandra." Her voice was icy, her glare sharp.

"Sandra, what is it?" he asked.

"I'm uh, I'm pregnant."

His initial reaction was a carbon copy of Mom's, but here he didn't hide his rage after the initial shock wore off.

"What? _Pregnant?_ Sandra....!"

He looked at Mom for confirmation, who's nails were biting into her arms as they remained crossed over her.

"Who's the father? That worthless drop-out you've been seeing? You let him_ touch_ you? You let him...." his eyes went over my body as if I were a cheap nude painting. The disgust was evident. "Let me get my hands on him, I'll break every bone in his body!" Dad grabbed his keys, turning for the door to leave. As if things weren't bad enough, I had to lower their already zeroed impression of me; I had to clear Sodapop's name. I knew this wouldn't make Dad like him, but at least he wouldn't kill him.

"It wasn't Sodapop, Dad."

"What!" Dad bellowed, slamming the keys back on the counter. Mom was also turning a few new shades of red. "Don't you lie! He's the only boy that you've been hanging around! It _has_ to be his!"

By now, tears were streaming. "It wasn't him. It wasn't!"

"You're protecting him! You're actually _protecting_ that worthless excuse for a boy!"

"No, Dad... really, it wasn't Sodapop! Please, you have to believe me!"

"Sandra, what have you_ done_ to yourself?" Mom's voice quavered. "Haven't we raised you right? Provided you with things most kids on this side of town could only dream of? And in thanks you go out and get yourself.... _pregnant?"_

"I'm sorry, Mom," I pleaded. "Dad... it was a mistake. I'm so, so sorry!"

"Who's the father?" Dad insisted, his tone dangerous. Physically dangerous.

I shook my head, knowing Scott would only deny everything. He'd had his chance to step up to the plate and didn't. He wasn't going to get me out of this; if anything he'd only make it worse, insisting Sodapop _was_ the father when Scott and I both knew _he_ himself was.

"I can't say," I stammered.

"You WHAT?" Dad blasted. "Girl, you'd better tell me now who's the father of that bastard baby!"

The word hit me hard. _Bastard. _I was carrying a bastard, a fatherless child.

"I can't." My voice was so uncontrolled that it squeaked.

Dad's eyes were filled with fury. "Get out of my sight!" he raged at me. I shook, turned and headed back to my room. Once there, I collapsed by my bed, my knees hitting the hardwood floor with a bang. I didn't feel any hint of pain, my sobs taking over, spilling out into my mattress. Suddenly I realized, I still had to tell Sodapop. With my father so furious, there was no telling what he'd do. I had to get to Soda first, break his heart, sure - but I had to tell him so I could warn him too.

I snuck out of my room, picking up the receiver in the upstairs hallway. Carefully I dialed his number, it answered on the first ring.

"_Hello?"_

It was Darry's voice. He sounded edgy and it took a second for me to remember he also had a nasty family issue of his own he was dealing with.

"Darry, I need to talk to Soda."

I spoke low, hearing my parents arguing in the kitchen but still scared they'd hear me. There was a bit of rustling on the line then Soda's voice was there.

"_Sandy? Is he there? Did you find him?"_

His voice was filled with anguish. This was so not the right time to do this, but I had no choice.

"No, I didn't. But I do need to see you. Tonight. Can you meet me in twenty minutes at the Ice Cream Scoop?"

"_Ice cream? Sure, yeah. I'll meet you."_

I hung up, grabbing my jacket and a better pair of shoes. With my parents still arguing, I went down the back steps and out the rear door, out the fence and through the bushes towards Jane's place. Ten minutes later I tapped on her door.

"Hey! Damn Sandy, you look like hell. What's with the tears? Oh, don't tell me – you saw the paper. I think I remember that kid from school ... was he in a class with you or something?"

"What?" I asked, confused. I wiped my eyes and tried to cool it, knowing that if I went to Soda all juiced up, I'd never get this done.

"It's right here - shoot, everybody's been talking about it all day." She pointed at something in the paper, an article about somebody getting killed in the park just around the corner.

"Last night, too. There's some suspects but nothing concrete yet. Get this... even your boyfriend's squirt brother is a suspect! Seems the brat's been missing since last night. Him and some other hood friends of his."

"How did Ponyboy get involved in this?" I scanned the article again, his name nowhere in it.

She smirked. "Sandy, wake up! What planet are you on? Like I said, everybody's been talking! Some of his friends were going around, asking if anyone had seen him. Two plus two still equals four, ya dig?"

I nodded. "Jane, I need to borrow your wheels."

"Say what? I_ know_ you didn't just -"

"I _need _to borrow your car. If our friendship means anything to you, you won't say no or ask me questions. Now, can I borrow the car or not?"

She looked at me carefully then nodded. "Fine, but you bring it back in any less shape than it's in right now, and you and me will have it out." She handed me the keys and I hopped in, heading down to the Scoop.

* * *

He was waiting for me when I pulled in. I saw him, sitting on a bench just down the hill from the Scoop's parking lot. The place was empty, not too many people wanting ice-cream this late in the year. The last of the afternoon sun was about to call it quits for the day. When he saw me he got up, a wary smile on his face.

"Sandy, you're a sight for sore eyes."

He gave me a tired hug, mine in return being even less than his.

"I've looked everywhere. Everywhere! The only thing we can figure is that he and Johnny took off together; but where? Steve and me went through every library in town, passed by every theater – even broke into the old warehouse to see if they were hiding out in there. But nothing! No one's seen either of them! Then the cops showed up.... they think Pony's got something to do with that kid in the park."

Soda's eyes were worn out. Fear and worry already taking root in his brown gaze. What I was about to do would only pour salt into that wound.

"Soda.... I have to tell you something. This isn't going to be easy, but I don't have a choice."

He looked at me, cocking his head some while waiting.

"Please remember that my time with you has been the best time of my life. You've been so good to me, so special. I haven't been anywhere as good to you as you have been to me."

"Shh baby, don't cry. I don't know what's wrong..."

"Soda, I'm … I'm pregnant. My parents are furious, I don't know what my Dad's liable to do... I had to tell you, warn you."

He stood still, the third statue of the day. Only he didn't scream, or rant, or ask questions I didn't want to answer. Instead, he simply and calmly repeated the word, wanting clarification.....

"Pregnant? Are you sure?"

I nodded. He paused, then pulled me to him, holding me in an embrace. One I didn't deserve. He hadn't listened to me earlier.

"It's alright, Sandy. It'll be okay." His fingers combed my hair, comforting me. I realized he wasn't getting the whole picture.

"No, Sodapop; it's _not_ alright." I pushed him away, taking a few steps to separate us. He followed but stayed a step behind.

"Darry'd told me those things weren't perfect, that accidents could happen. I guess if the one percent was going to happen, it'd happen to me. Still, I won't deny what's mine. I was just sort of waiting until you were done with school first before I asked you to marry me. I won't abandon you, Sandy. I love you. We'll make this work."

"No," I said, pushing him and his proposal away. "It _won't _work. This baby..." I cringed, fighting the emotion, forcing myself to say this. "This baby isn't yours."

He said nothing. His hands froze for a wisp of time in the partial reach he'd had for me, when he was telling me how we'd make this all work out. Then they slowly fell to his sides, his eyes wide, his mouth slightly open, the message breaking through.

"Not …. _mine_?"

I shook my head. "No, it's not yours. You have no responsibility here. Not that the father wants responsibility either... I've already told him, but he …" I stopped, knowing my words weren't being heard anyway. Soda was looking at me, but I doubt he was seeing me.

"It's not yours. I had to tell you before you found out from someone else. And if my father comes to your house, at least you'll know why. Like I said, he's furious, ballistically furious. Dangerously furious. Don't let him in. I told him it wasn't yours, but … I don't think he believes me. But it isn't. I... I'm sorry Sodapop. Sorry for hurting you like this. I didn't mean for this to happen. You're a good man, one who deserved not to be hurt like this. If I could go back and change things, I would. I'm so sorry."

The wind was picking up as the sun began to fade away. I realized my parents had to know by now that I wasn't home, and knew they'd probably go straight to Soda's. His family had enough to deal with without my father trying to kill anyone in Soda's house. I wiped my eyes and stood taller.

"You were the best thing that happened to me, and I'm sorry I ruined it. Good luck finding Ponyboy. Good luck... with everything."

I backed up a bit then turned and headed to Jane's car. He didn't call after me or try to stop me. As I drove away, he was still looking out across the hill, the last of the sun's rays having disappeared into the night.

* * *

I went in through the front door, no reason to hide my absence any longer. They were both in the living room, their disapproval obvious.

"As long as you live under my roof, you will do as I say! How hard was it to just go to your room and _not _cause your mother and I any more worry? Where have you been?"

By now, all the tears I could cry tonight were gone. I was numb. I'd destroyed my parents, destroyed my future, destroyed everyone's faith in me, and at a time when Sodapop needed me most; I'd destroyed him too. Destruction was everywhere, and my tears for everything were all used up.

"I went to see Sodapop. I had to tell him, before he heard from someone else. It isn't his, he didn't know." I answered blandly. I waited, knowing that with his anger, he'd probably lash out at me. The rage was there, I saw it in his eyes. Mom's were red tinged, she'd been crying. It hurt me to see her like that, but the numbness was overwhelming in its totality.

"Go to your room... and this time, stay there! If you leave again, do _not_ come back."

"Ted," Mom started.

"Enough, Helen. I mean it, Sandra."

I nodded, turned and went to my room. I had no plans to leave again. I had no plans to move again, to talk again, … to do _anything_ again. Soda's devastated expression was in my mind... I saw him whether my lids were open or closed. In time, sleep came. A numb, emptiness of time until the sun came back up.

* * *

A new day, but not a new beginning. My head hurt, I was hungry. I turned in my bed, facing away from the window. Down the hall I heard my parents talking. I couldn't make out the words but I didn't need to. I knew it was about me. They came out and went downstairs, to the kitchen I was sure. I got out of bed too, reaching in my closet for an envelope I'd had stashed for over two years. I'd saved all I could; pennies I'd found on the ground, nickles that fell behind pay phones or vending machines, whatever allowance I didn't spend. It wasn't much, but was all I had to offer.

I went to the kitchen, my clothes the same as the ones from yesterday since I'd never changed. I put the money on the counter.

"I know I've disgraced you, I'm sorry. If... if you know of someone.... a doctor who can help.... it's all I have, but I'll pay you back the rest as soon as I can. Double even. I just really don't know what else to do, or where to go. Please, Dad, I need you."

He spread the money out and pushed it back to me. "Keep it. I'm not taking your money." He added sugar to his coffee then cleared his throat.

"We've called around. Uncle Mark in Bismark can't take you, but Grandma Elli in Jacksonville said she'd do it. You're leaving this afternoon. The bus ticket is paid for already, I suggest you go pack."

"Grandma?" I asked, confused. "In Florida?"

"Yes," Mom answered. "She's got plenty of room in her house, and even though she's young at heart, she needs another person to help her with the small things. Some cleaning, some cooking; nothing you can't handle. And she said there were several schools you could go to, for a while. Still, you'll end up repeating next year, but under the circumstances, it's the best you can do. After you've delivered, the adoption people will be there at the hospital to take care of this. It's all settled."

"Your bus leaves at three," Dad said in a monotone. "Have your clothes packed and ready, you'll be traveling alone."

Leaving? Jacksonville? Adoption?

"Will I come back after this?"

They didn't answer, which was answer enough. Dad sipped his coffee, Mom stirred hers.

I left the kitchen, heading to my room to get my stuff for a shower. Halfway up, the doorbell's shrill ding got my attention.

"You have nerve, stepping foot on my property!" Dad's thunderous voice sounded all the way up the stairs.

"Please, sir, is Sandy here? I need to talk to her."

"Get out! All of you!"

I ran down the stairs as fast as I could, seeing not just Soda but Steve there as well. Not far behind them was Two-Bit. Backup for the backup.

"If you don't leave...!" Dad yelled, but I went to the door, hoping I could stop the madness that was happening.

"Sandy," Soda called out when he saw me.

"What_ is_ _it,_ Sodapop? It's not yours! Don't you get it?"

"Look, I've given this a lot of thought. There's still a chance it's mine; and even if it ain't - I don't care, Sandy. I really don't. Marry me anyway. I love you. I'll take care of you and the baby."

"With what?" Dad snorted. "Welfare and food stamps? You have no education, a dead end job, and nothing to offer her. You don't even have a car for crying out loud, just a bucket of bolts you manage to keep welded together. You're a kid! A teenage boy who dropped out of school and have no future for yourself. Leave her alone. She's messed up her life enough with you and your riff-raff friends! I'm sending her somewhere where she just might stand a chance of getting herself back together!"

"You're sending her away?" Soda asked, ignoring the ugly remarks Dad spewed at him. The guys likewise had bristled, but said nothing.

"Yes I am. Where _you_ and your buddies can't find her. Florida. Now, before I call the police, I suggest you leave!"

"Sandy...?" Soda started, but I shook my head and held up my hand to stop him.

"It's over, Sodapop. Go. Find Ponyboy. My bus leaves in a few hours, I have to pack. I'm sorry. Steve... take care of him. Don't let him do anything you know we'd all regret later. Two-Bit, thanks for the laughs. I'm going to miss you guys."

"Helen, call the police!" Dad said, heading inside. Instantly, Steve and Two-Bit looked up. They knew this wasn't a bluff.

"Sodapop, we got to go," Steve said softly. He took Soda's elbow, trying to encourage him to go with them, knowing this wasn't a hoax. Soda wrenched away.

"Sandy,_ please!_"

"Go, Sodapop. He's not making an idle threat. You have to go... you have enough trouble with Ponyboy being missing. The court will take you away too!" I knew the only thing that would make him see reason was any harm coming to his kid brother.

"She's right, Soda," Two-Bit agreed, taking his arm with a better grip.

"Come on, man. It's over. Let's go." Steve nudged again, this time with more effort. It worked, Soda relented.

I watched him back off the porch, then closed the door before they were halfway to Steve's car. If it were possible for my heart to break any more than it already had, it would be doing so then.

"Go pack, Sandra," Mom called. I wiped a tear and nodded, heading back upstairs.

* * *

Calla Lily Rose


	17. Chapter 17 Moving On

**Sandy's Saga**

Chapter 17

**Moving On**

* * *

My parents drove me to the bus station. I had two suitcases with me, both checked in. On my shoulder was my backpack. Whatever else I needed, they said they'd send.

"I'll have your records for school sent to Grandma. You can enroll at the local school, stay for a few months then drop out. After all this is over, we'll come to get you. By then, your father's company should have relocated him and we'll have the house sold. We can start over fresh. Be good to your grandmother, remember, she didn't have to do this."

"Call when you get there," Dad said. "Give her this for me." He handed me an envelope, packing tape sealing it. Clearly, he didn't want me reading it. I nodded and put it in my backpack. In it, I had today's newspaper, some books, some toiletry items and my purse. In my purse was a picture of Sodapop and me, taken a few months ago – before the pecan grove; before I'd ruined everything.

"I can't tell you how much I wish things could be different," Mom started, her face ashen as her eyes reddened.

"Not now, Helen," Dad interrupted. "Get on the bus Sandy. It's loading, and you'll want a good seat."

I wanted to hug them, but Dad's arm on my shoulder was stiff. He wasn't going to let me give that affection. I understood. "I love you," I said to them. Their response was silence. I sort of nodded and stepped up to the bus doorway.

"Have a safe trip," Mom called.

I took a seat towards the back of the bus, where not to many people were sitting and I could be alone. Looking at my ticket, it was a little over 1,100 miles and had a few transfers, but I'd get there a little after nine tomorrow evening. I guess Dad had made sure Grandma was going to be there to get me.

The door shut, the brakes let off, and with a lurch, the bus pulled out. I noticed in the parking lot, Dad's station wagon was already gone. They didn't stay to see me leave.

The hours dragged by slowly, with me having little more to do than read or think. I'd found the crossword on page twelve of the second section of the newspaper and worked on it for a while, but made a few mistakes – and since I was doing it in pen, I couldn't fix it. Just like my other mistake. I couldn't fix that either. I drew a quivering breath and gave up.

The rest of the paper had little to pique my interest, that is until I got to the bottom of page seven, first section.

_**Missing local teenagers believed involved in East Side Park murder**_

_Friends of eighteen year old murder victim Robert Sheldon Jr. were questioned at the Tulsa Police Station yesterday, claiming the death of the teenager was due to a local fight involving Sheldon and some of his friends against Ponyboy Curtis and Johnathan Cade that escalated with deadly force. Curtis, 14, and Cade, 16, have not been seen since that incident. Neither boy have police records and are at this time just wanted for questioning. If you see either teenager, please contact the police department at …_

Underneath the small article were descriptions of both Ponyboy and Johnny, along with pictures of them obviously taken from the school yearbook. Like my picture of Soda and me, his was taken some time ago; before his parents died. I could see the minute differences in the picture in the paper compared to the flesh and blood friend I knew Ponyboy to be. Now he was skinnier, his smile less exuberant, and he's much quieter than he was back then. He didn't deserve this. Whatever had happened to him, it had to have been bad for him not to go back to his brothers. They're all that he has left.

_Wherever you are, Ponyboy, I hope you're okay._

I folded the paper and put it away, watching the scenery pass outside the bus window.

* * *

"Sandy, honey... is that you?"

My back ached after that long ride. I stretched and smiled. Grandma! I fell into her arms, letting her warm embrace hold me.

"Grandma, it's good to see you."

She smiled. It was an awkward silence.

"Let's get your bags and get to the house. You've got to be hungry after that long trip. How was it?"

"Long!" I smiled, nodding in agreement.

I found my suitcases and put them in her car, surprised she still drove after all these years. "Is this your car, Grandma?"

"No, that's Nessie's. Honey, when you get my age, you realize you don't need but so many things. Happiness, health, a roof over your head and clothes on your back. That's bout it. Oh!" she laughed, "and food. Anyway, a group of us all pay Nessie for the use of her car. She doesn't mind. It's more a community car than her's anyway. This way she gets her monthly payment in and we all have wheels!"

Mom was right, young at heart despite the age in her face. I got in and settled back, watching Grandma drive.

"Now, Sandy, your Daddy told me you were - in the condition. Are you doing okay with it? You must not be far along."

"Yes ma'am. I'm pregnant. It was a mistake, a big one. I'm okay, I guess."

She looked at me and smiled, knowingly, then patted my hand. "It happens. I'm not going to judge, I'm sure that son of mine has done enough of that. For now, let's just get you settled."

* * *

Grandma's place was nice, small but roomy enough for the two of us. I actually had the larger of the two bedrooms, she said she preferred the smallness of her's as most of her things were just an arms length away. Since this was Florida, the cold chills I knew from Tulsa didn't exist here. Not yet.

"Oh, we get cold weather. Might even have to get out my coat this year!" The twinkle in her eye was humorous. I smiled, wanting to laugh but didn't. My heart just wasn't into it. Things were just moving too fast.

I wasn't here a week when my past reached out to find me.

"Sandy, you give someone my address?" she'd asked, holding out the envelope from the day's mail.

I shook my head, wondering who it was from. Then I saw the penmanship and knew. I didn't know how he got it, but he had. Then I remembered his buddies who would do anything for him; stoop to any level if need be. It couldn't have been too difficult. Jane worked in the school office twice a week helping out the secretary; and Dad said he'd send my records. With her there, getting Grandma's address would be a piece of cake. Besides, it wasn't like things hadn't slipped out of the office before. She must have gotten Grandma's address from my records and passed it to Two-Bit, who naturally would give it to Soda. At least, that's one way he could have gotten it. I would never be sure.

I held the envelope, smelling the familiar scent of grease on the paper. I wanted to cry, but didn't. Going backwards wouldn't help me. Nor would it help him. If I answered, he'd want to pursue this, and as much as I hated it, I knew Dad was right. Other than love, Soda had nothing to offer me. Feeling my body changing told me that love wasn't going to be enough. I needed stability, a solid foundation. With Sodapop, the ground would always be uneven, rutted, and perhaps.... leading me nowhere.

It wasn't his fault, at least not all of it. Staying in school and getting an education was part of it, and in that part he'd failed. But we were also too young. Too young to be playing adult games, too young for sex. Looking at myself in the mirror everyday reminded me of that. And in that part,_ I'd _failed. I'd failed to hold onto my innocence, and failed to protect myself from an unwanted pregnancy.

I had to move on, steer myself in a different direction. It hurt, but I had to. For me, for Sodapop.. for everyone. I wanted to write him a big long letter explaining this, pouring my heart into it, wishing him a good future and happiness for himself; but I couldn't. It would only prompt him to write me an equally long letter, probably explaining his feelings for me, begging me to be with him. My heart could only stand being broken but so many times. I reached for a pen and simply wrote_ Return To_ _Sender_ on the envelope, then put it back in the box.

Grandma had watched. "You okay, Sandy?" She ran her aged fingers through my hair. I nodded.

"Was he the daddy?"

I shook my head. "No, Grandma. He just wanted to be."

She nodded too. "Sometimes the heart has to break in order to be whole again. You'll be fine." She smiled at me.

"Are you sure?" I asked, unconvinced.

"I am. You're not the first to make this mistake. Nor will you be the last. But we've all lived through it."

I looked at her, wondering. She kept her smile, saying nothing. Her aged eyes twinkling an understanding words had no expression for. I had a feeling Grandma somehow knew all too well what I was going through.

"You will survive this - and be better for it. I promise."

* * *

I never heard from Sodapop again. I kept silent tabs on what was happening back home thanks to the local library getting the _Tulsa Herald_. Well, I paid for the subscription and the library was more than happy to add it to their periodicals for the year. I was relieved to learn Ponyboy had returned safely, mourned the loss of Johnny when I'd read his obituary, and felt the hair on the back of my neck stand when I read Dallas had been gunned down by the police. At least Sodapop had his brother back. I could only hope he and his family were doing okay now.

I had to drop out of school almost directly after coming back from Christmas break. My stomach was big, too big to be in class. My teachers stared, classmates shied away. I didn't really have friends here, none like Jane anyway. No one came to Grandma's to see me, even before I started showing.

Grandma and I had a good time together. She remembered my love of art and bought me lots of brushes and paint supplies for Christmas. She also never got upset when my stomach bulged out and knocked over something from my easel; all over the floor were speckled dots of reds, yellows, and blues.

Even on my seventeenth birthday, she and all her lady friends (those who were part owners of Nessie's car) threw me a party. It was funny, in a weird sort of way, having women in their late fifties on up into their seventies singing to me, but they made me feel good. I needed it. My parents called, of course, but they didn't know what to say other than 'happy birthday,' so the conversation was stunted and we'd hung up after only a few minutes.

Then came the day I felt wet all over, and sharp pains hit like a sledgehammer.

"Grandma!" I called. She nodded and got me to the hospital. I noticed the sealed envelope I'd brought from Dad nearly eight months before was between us on the front seat.

Labor was long and painful, but three hours later, it was over. I remember hearing the baby cry, wanting to see it, hold it, kiss it. Tell it I loved it. I _did,_ afterall. Him or her, it didn't matter, I loved my baby. I'd carried him or her baby in my body; feeling it grow, stretch, kick. I knew the sensation when it had the hiccups, and felt the punches he or she gave me when I ate something it didn't like. When I slept it was awake, and when I was awake it slept. Already, we couldn't agree.

"Please, can I see it?" I asked the staff. They were mumbling something to themselves as they worked on my tired, stretched body. Between me and them were large green surgical drapes, drapes that also shielded the crying baby from me. They glanced my way but said nothing directly to me, their faces covered with expressionless masks. Then I heard the baby's cries fade and a door close. The baby was gone.

"I just wanted to see it, I just wanted to say goodbye!" Emotions I had never felt before suddenly came to life ... a love so deep, so pure; and suddenly their source was gone. It left me with a hole in my heart. Even the love I'd had for Sodapop couldn't compare. That kind of love wasn't even in the same league.

Grandma stayed by my side after I was sent to a room. She patted my hand and brushed my hair. It felt nice, but it didn't soothe me. My arms ached to hold my child. My breasts swelled to feed it. I'd already had to change my bra twice from the milk that soaked the pads.

"Will this feeling ever go away, Grandma?" I knew she understood the feeling I meant. She took a while to answer, and when she did, her voice was quiet, almost reminiscent.

"The ache will lessen in time, but the love will always be there. This baby will have a good home, the adoption agency assured me of that. You don't need to worry."

"I'm not. I just wanted..." my voice broke. Grandma held me closer. "I just wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl. They wouldn't even let me see! I never got to see my baby!"

She rocked me, saying nothing. There was nothing to say.

I stayed in the hospital a day and a half then was sent back to Grandma's. I was never told anything about the child I'd carried and delivered. The next week, my parents showed up.

"Mom, thank you for taking care of Sandra. I hope she...her _situation_... wasn't too stressing."

"Ted, you should know better than to even ask." Grandma rebuffed him.

"Feeling okay, Sandy?" Mom asked.

I nodded. "Yes, thanks. How was the winter?" I didn't know what else to say or ask. The last nine months of my life were being ignored by my parents, as if this was a vacation trip and nothing more.

"Cold. Too much snow. Glad we're moving away from there." Dad smiled, putting my suitcases in the car.

"Where are we going?" Suddenly I didn't want to leave. Grandma had been my haven, my oasis from all that was wrong. Now I was losing that security again.

"Your father's company relocated him to Wilmington, North Carolina. It's on the beach, plenty of sunshine and good weather. We've bought a house already. Everything from Tulsa is already on a moving van headed there."

I looked at Grandma, my voice gone. She came and gave me a hug.

"Remember, you will survive this and be better for it. I promise. I love you, Sandy. Write me, tell me all about your new school, your new friends. I want to hear everything."

I nodded, getting in their car. Mom got in and Dad started the engine. Leaving Grandma's, I felt a sense of sadness, but I also held her words in my heart.

I'd be fine. It might take a while, but I'd be fine.

XXX

Calla Lily Rose.


End file.
